So, there we were, Lou Reed and myself, sharing a slice of apple pie at an all-night diner somewhere off Napoleon.
“A little walk on the wild side,” he said referring to the transvestite pouring our coffee.
We didn’t want to get back on the tour bus because of the sophomoric douche-bags Lou had roading for him — the groupies were hot, but the roadies were tools.
“I’m not rich enough to have my own bus,” he spat as he stubbed out his cigarette in the pink plastic ash tray.
“So Lou, why are you wearing your sunglasses? It’s 3 a.m.”
“Chicks dig it. Plus, these florescent lights hurt my eyes.”
“Right,” I said, doubtingly.
“Well champ, thanks for the pie, but it’s time I jet, ya know.”
“Thanks, Lou.”
“Yeah, Kid. Anytime.”
So, there I was, finishing what was left of what used to be Lou Reed and I’s apple pie. He left me with the check — cheap dick.
Anywho, Have you ever wondered why Kermit always resisted Miss Piggy, and why the F*** Miss Piggy would spend her whole life chasing some skimpy amphibian when she could have been bangin’ Fozzie the whole time?
And we all know Fozzie was way cooler than that damn frog.
“It ain’t easy bein’ green” — BS!
This is totally off the subject, but I was riding down Brightside Dr. the other day when I saw a truck with the phrase “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy” written in pink on the back glass of the cab.
I thought to myself, “I guess not, especially when you got that written on the back of your late eighties, purple Izuzu pick-up truck.”
I mean really, don’t make it any harder on yourself.
Douche-bag. That guy was a douche-bag. If you ever wondered what a douche-bag is, the perfect specimen is the guy who owns the “pimpin’ ain’t easy” truck.
However, the douche-bag does provide us with a universal truth… pimpin’ ain’t easy.
For example, your humble columnist had 3 dates this weekend.
I didn’t strike out, but I didn’t exactly hit it out of the park either.
The first was one of those first date things, and a big swing and a miss. I should have known — she was way out of my league.
The second date was great, tried and true, soulmate-esque, comfortable silence type of stuff, only she never shuts her mouth, but I don’t mind it.
Ground-rule double.
The third was the funniest. Dates with friends are awesome, especially when you have plenty of things to make fun of.
We’ll call that one an intentional walk with bases loaded.
Pimpin’ ain’t easy. You win some. You lose some. Some you just forfeit, and others you just play forever. But whatever you do, never ever write something as stupid as “pimpin’ ain’t easy” on your car.