So, here it is, my last column of this semester, and I havenothing to say.
Well, I take that back. I have a lot to say, only my editorswon’t let me make fun of certain people because they say it wouldbe “unethical.” Unethical? When have I ever been ethical to beginwith? And don’t you think “ethics” are relative? What’s unethicalto you could be perfectly ethical to me, and probably is.
For instance, I have a slew of dead baby jokes that I think areF***ing hilarious, but make most people want to slap me after Itell them.
Really, I think they want to crack up, but they think theyshouldn’t because they would be being “unethical” or “immoral.”
Let me tell you something, people; some things that shouldn’t befunny just are… deal with it.
Anywho, you would think I’d get all sentimental and crap, butI’m not.
You wanna know why?
Because, I’ve got another year of writing about absolutelynothing left in me.
In fact, for this column, I think I’ll just be pissed off andtell you about all the things I hate.
OK, I don’t really hate anything.
But I’ll still be pissed off.
You know, this Sunday is Mother’s Day.
I love you, mom.
There… done. Now I don’t have to buy her a card.
You know, it’s funny, my mother always wants to yell at me whenI get bad grades, or get all my money stolen by a prostitute orsomething.
And I’m like, “Mom, I didn’t ask for this. You brought me here,so you owe me and it’s your fault — remember that.”
Then she always comes back with, “You were a mistake then, andyou’re a mistake now. Trust me, I’ll never forgive myself or yourfather.”
I love you, mom!
She’s a good woman.
So, “W” is coming to speak at graduation.
No wonder the Sugar Gliders needed my help.
Really, I hope I get the chance to have a beer with the man. Heseems like he’d enjoy my dead baby jokes.
So, this is it until June 8th.
Good luck on your finals and junk, and have fun with yoursummer.
But, before I sign off for the semester, I would like to send aspecial shout-out to my friend, mentor and perhaps biggest fan.
Jack, thanks for all the kind words of support and praise. Youare my hero, and I hope to grow up just like you… see you around,because if you didn’t know, I got my job back.