The modern dating world is as complex as it is hellish and fun. Dating apps are offered to us as a way to see through their scratched, rose-tinted glasses. Spoiler: dating apps are not simplifying the game, they’re making it 100 times more complicated.

Organic meet-cutes are dead. Meanwhile, apps are convenient and perfect for the average, busy college student. While you scroll, you know immediately that there’s some physical attraction, and that’s half the work, right? Well, yeah.

Nevertheless, dating apps are dangerous for a plethora of reasons, including catfishing, demon frat boys (read how to spot one here), “Jennifer’s Body”-esque killer queens and many manners of generally unfavorable characters.

But fear not, sweet summer child, this old, 19-year-old heart has seen many things, lived many winters and loved more times than my soul remembers. And today, I endeavor to give unto you the hard-earned knowledge of how to spot dating app devils.

First, never just swipe left and right based on the first photo. If you’re that naïve, I fear you’re too far gone already. Ensure that you analyze a profile thoroughly. However, even if you’re not attracted to the user, you can sometimes have a good laugh at a person’s creative choices for their bio and the like.

Now, onto the real tips. For starters, always look at your match’s “love language.” If it says “touch,” they want to have loose, casual relations. There’s no shame in that game, but if you, dear reader, are looking for the love of your life, maybe it’s in the next swipe.

Are there exceptions to this rule? Maybe. At the least, your lucky match probably wants to “hang out” at theirs much sooner than what is normal.

Look at me with both eyes. If that future lover’s profile has “conservative” on it, you have two options. Leave it to the “male loneliness epidemic,” or swipe right and punish that individual for their poor decisions. Do not try to fix them; it’s too late.

Another thing of note is an overabundance of memes in a profile. One can be tasteful, two is a little much; any more than that, and you’re looking at a joke. Leave it there, unlaughed at.

Too many memes typically means that they’re trying too hard to be funny, and nobody wants a comedic try-hard. It could also mean that they’re shy about their face, which I get; alas, it’s gonna be seen one day, so it might as well be immediately.

Another awful red flag is if they have the trendy “ruin my life,” or “let me ruin your life.” It’s cringy and gross. In the same vein, is anyone begging for a “mentally ill [insert applicable gender here.]” Once again, cringy and gross. It just reeks of toxicity and perversion.

My next tip is nitpicky but nonetheless applicable. Don’t swipe if they have grammatical errors in their bio. That’s so embarrassing. Maybe match and message them that they need to download Grammarly.

Oh, and obviously, don’t match with someone if they have horns, cloven hooves, a serpentine tongue and a fetching tail, no matter how tempting, because that person is either a goat or an actual devil.

Garrett McEntee is a 19-year-old English sophomore from Benton, La.