It’s no secret that President Donald Trump tends to be quite brash and careless with his words, and more often than not, his remarks make our great nation look foolish on the global scale. As grating as his ego can be, there’s no doubt that he can be quite laughable at times, though often when nothing is funny.
So, amidst reckless Immigration and Customs Enforcement escapades, his self-glorifying rebranding of the now-named Trump Kennedy Center and a war with Iran that no one in particular asked for, I thought there’d be no better time than the present to recap some of our president’s greatest hits in context and have “the biggest, the best” laugh:
“The windmills are driving the whales crazy, obviously!”
America’s CEO isn’t a big windmill guy. In 2023, while still on the campaign trail for what would become his second term in office, Trump ranted against wind energy, remarking that the whales living near the Massachusetts coast must absolutely hate windmills.
I’d imagine that we shouldn’t give much consideration to whales when it comes to one of the most cost-effective and fastest-growing energy derivatives considering whales are already avoiding the New England marine bases and underwater ethernet cables.
“We’re going to redo the grass with the finest grasses. I know a lot about grass.”
Big stoner, eh? There are only so many reasons one could rant about grass, and I can’t imagine this or any of them apply to the president of the U.S., but I digress. Trump made these strange remarks while announcing the Kennedy Center honorees in August, seemingly in reference to metaphorically fixing up the D.C., but somewhere along the way he seemingly got lost, probably daydreaming about frolicking across the 15 golf courses he owns internationally. He, after all, does have a tendency to get lost in himself — why else would he rename the historic Kennedy Center as the Trump Kennedy Center, a venue he has famously despised throughout his time as POTUS?
“Very inappropriate shows, I mean they had dance parties for queer and trans youth … and lesbian – only Shakespeare.”
There’s not much else to do here except to marvel at the absurdity of this remark Trump made last year about the Trump Kennedy Center. Why can’t we let the gays dance? Why can’t the lesbians put on a Shakespeare performance? The American dream is just as much for LGBTQ+ theatre kids as it is for the straight-as-can-be faux Christians idol-worshipping Charlie Kirk at the Turning Point USA halftime show. It’s just frankly nothing to do with anyone if the Kennedy Center wants to create safe spaces for LGBTQ+ youth.
“We support gays, but they throw gays off the buildings!”
Yes, you read that correctly. Trump channeled his inner ally while in the midst of a conversation about the military campaign in Iran earlier this month with Youtuber and boxer Jake Paul, who fun fact, also moonlights as a racist and alleged assaulter.
The president isn’t wrong, either — Iran’s regime is absolutely brutal and inhumane to anyone who is even remotely thought to be queer; that said, are we going to tout being supportive of our youth and then categorize their existences as “inappropriate” too? It’s not exactly a good look for the leader of the free world.
“Despite the constant negative press, covfefe”
This now-deleted tweet is from 2017, but I’m just checking back in — did anyone ever find out what this actually means?
“I’M BACK! #COVFEFE”
This Truth Social post came a few years later, and the thing absolutely no one is wondering — is this like a “the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now” situation or…?
“The Biden administration spent $8 million making mice transgender.”
We have to stop letting our public figures indoctrinate our youth. What do you mean Biden funded surgeries to turn American mice transgender … Wait, did Trump mean “transgenic”? Is he actually complaining about the well-studied and miraculous process by which human cells are implanted in mice to study incurable diseases in efforts to find cures for the American people?
“They call me the president of Europe.”
Do they? Do they really? Trump is barely able to function as the President of the U.S., and I don’t get the feeling Europe is hiring right now.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Pearl Harbor?”
In a recent interview, this was the query Trump directed at a reporter who had asked why he did not inform Eurasian allies about war with Iran ahead of time — a query posed while sitting right next to the Prime Minister of Japan.
“I want to get to heaven if possible. I hear I’m not doing well. I hear I’m really at the bottom of the totem pole.”
Well, this one isn’t so unlikely, but it is certainly sad to hear from a public official who so heavily ran his campaign with Christian voters in mind. I hope for his sake, he’s wrong, but I suppose we’ll find out.
“Our country has never been so disrespected as it is right now. It’s a laughing stock all over the world.”
This quote is from December 2021, right after former President Joe Biden was elected, but in light of the above quotes from the last few years, Trump was certainly ahead of his time with this lightbulb moment.
The aforementioned quotes are hardly presidential, and yet they have all strangely come from the mouth of our president. In times like these, the Saturday Night Live and South Park scripts are writing themselves just as Trump is clearly writing his own, and I can’t be the only one wondering where the White House public relations team is, right?
Riley Sanders is a 19-year-old biology major from Denham Springs, La.
