It’s Spring Break 2K13! Neaux regretz!

Well, to those who have made it successfully back from Round Up in Austin, it’s time to go ahead and rally.

And for everyone else, the time is finally here.

Spring Break is upon us, and that means it is time to kick back and feast your eyes upon the sights Gulf Shores’ beaches have to offer, with much of LSU’s student body migrating east this weekend.

On the contrary, there are some things you do not want to see.

First and foremost, I guess I’ll go ahead and say outright that I would rather chug dip spit or let Tyrann Mathieu write the baggage checklist for the road trip to Gulf Shores while working part-time as my legal adviser than see ‘Merica or Mitt Romney-themed tank tops.

Oh, but I’ll see them.

Students across the LSU campus are running on fumes at this point in the semester and are looking to let off a little steam next to the water.

And by a little steam, well, I mean a lot of steam.

“Face down, bottoms up, ass to ass,” said Grant Burnett, disaster science and management junior from Austin, Texas, in regard to his anticipations of the weeklong festivities.

That statement pretty much sums up my opinion on the subject, but to delve into further discussion, there are a couple of vital choices that can be made to ensure good times at Gulf Shores this Spring Break.

To directly quote Ben Tucker from the Odyssey, LSU’s Greek newspaper, “maybe instead of tank tops with your Greek letters, consider suiting up in a throwback like Tracy McGrady on the Raptors.”

Hey Ben, I can get on board with that. In fact, any NBA jersey from the ’90s will do just fine. Although they can leave a nasty tan line, it will bode well for any guy with a beating pulse to throw a name such as Barkley or Rodman on his back.

Something you should not do while in said jersey, or any type of clothing for that matter, is solely rely on pulling chugs from a bottle of Everclear to get a little weird.

This is probably not a good idea. No, this is definitely not a good idea. Considering there is a 95 percent alcohol by volume ratio, you will most likely die.

Or wish you had died the next morning.

So with that, be cognizant of alcohol volumes as you stock your coolers for the weeklong extravaganza.

Though that quite possibly may have been a waste of a sentence, as not one reader will be thinking in terms of which alcohol volume is the safest, including myself. I will sum it up instead with “just don’t die.”

But in all reality, no matter what the booze or weather situation may be, this week should be a great one for everyone in attendance.

Be safe, everyone.

John Polivka is a 21-year-old creative writing junior

from Houston.