On this episode of Archer, the crew plots against him in a way we haven’t seen before.
The show begins with Archer and Lana sexually feeding each other breakfast burritos and sneaking off to the broom closet. Their relationship has been rekindled, for those who are unaware.
Pam pukes into a crock-pot after witnessing the love fest, and she and the crew discuss their irritation with the PDA Archer and Lana have been shameless about.
Pam presents an idea she has to put an end to it, and Cheryl interrupts by saying throwing acid on them would do it.
Pam dismisses her and says they should purposely break up the newly happy-again couple by bringing in a hooker to make Archer succumb to his usual weakness and cheat on Lana.
Cheryl suggests an alternative plan, explaining how couples normally break up after their children die, so she details her diabolical plan with a flip book.
After a brief commercial break we’re brought into the dimly lit broom closet with Archer and Lana, where they’re discussing their reignited relationship.
Lana tells Archer he seems more mature this time around and says she’s the happiest she’s been since she gave birth to AJ.
Archer agrees but says they have to keep their relationship hidden from Malory, because she only seeks to see him unhappy.
Meanwhile, the crew is in Pam’s office with Cyril scanning the internet for a hooker to hire.
Not long into their search, Malory enters because they’re being extremely loud.
She asks for an update about Slater and the CIA, of which there isn’t one. She scolds the crew for screwing up the Durhani mission.
After she leaves, the crew considers the idea of telling Malory about Archer and Lana, but decide to stick with their plan to hire a hooker.
The only task now is to find one that Archer hasn’t already been with, which Cyril says is a 50/50 chance.
After hashing out all of their options, they get the idea to call one of Archer’s old flames, who is the only girl he’s cared about as much as Lana: Katya Kazanova.
For those who may not remember, Katya was present in season two. She fell to her death from Archer’s patio after saving his life from Barry Dylan during their first wedding and was later revived as a cyborg.
Later Cyril and Archer meet in the bathroom and Archer teases him about he and Lana’s rekindled relationship.
Cyril says he’ll never have what they had, which he refers to as “the little things” and lists stir fry as one of them.
Archer says since it’s Friday he’s going to make Lana stir fry as a way to one-up Cyril, which sets the crew’s plan in motion.
Archer finds Lana by the copy machine and invites her to his apartment for dinner, upon which she can’t believe he’s actually going to cook.
Malory approaches and criticizes them for what she thinks is arguing, and Archer covers it up by saying Lana is hogging the copy machine.
After Malory is out of sight, Lana accepts the invitation and asks if there’s anything she can bring, and Archer hands her a flyer and says she can bring 100 copies of it.
It reads: “Lost Valet; Answer to the name Woodhouse; Responsible for my meals, dressing, grooming; Needs medicine: Heroin.”
Fast-forward to that night and Pam arrives to the stakeout van with snacks and joints for the crew. They have screens in the van so they can watch the events unfold from the cameras they installed in Archer’s apartment.
Archer enters his apartment with the ingredients he purchased to cook stir-fry with, only to find Katya emerge from his bathroom and try to seduce him.
He tries everything he can to get away from her, and in the process he sets his suit sleeve on fire after leaning into one of the candles Katya had lit.
While this is happening, the crew notice Lana arrive outside of the apartment and get ready for Archer to finally get what he deserves.
However, after Archer and Katya argue about their previous relationship, he explains to her that he’s not interested because he’s in love with Lana and says she’s his best friend.
He also tells her about AJ. Katya is so touched by the fact that Archer’s changed that she starts crying, and Archer starts to walk her out of the apartment.
Even the crew felt emotional after watching the exchange between Archer and Katya, and decide they shouldn’t have tried to break them up in the first place.
As Lana is on her way up, they decide to race to catch her before she can go inside and see Katya there.
Meanwhile, on their way out, Katya tells Archer she left something in his bathroom and pressed for time, he tells her that he’ll mail whatever it is to her later.
Katya kisses him goodbye and he says he’ll be thinking about her for the next couple of days. She disappears before Lana arrives.
The gang catches up to Lana and they nominate Cyril to explain their reasoning for following her, and he tells her he’s still in love with her and doesn’t want her to go inside.
Lana laughs and goes inside, finding Archer in his spriefs (sport briefs) with a drink in hand, having not started dinner yet.
She dismisses it and goes into his bathroom to get ready for their romantic night, when she finds Katya’s cyborg vagina in the sink and angrily questions Archer.
“Funny story,” Archer says.