At my lowest point, I would contemplate ending my life three times a day.
First, when I opened my eyes in the morning, when the weight of the coming day pressed on me most. Again, as I sat with my friends at lunch, loathing the lightness of their conversation, feeling inconceivably lonely. Then at last, softly, when I crawled into bed without brushing my teeth. Scanning the dark, messy room. Seeing the outline of an unopened backpack. I had tried to start my homework but ended up staring at the wall for four hours.
When I’m depressed, every day is a bad day. The same bad day, over and over again. And I am not alone.
According to The American Journal of Psychiatry, diagnoses of major depression in U.S. adults have increased from 3.33 percent to 7.06 percent in just 10 years. With a national population topping 320 million, these statistics suggest that about 1.2 million more people are being diagnosed with depression annually.
Healthline cites Louisiana as one of seven states with the highest reported depression rate in the United States.
Corinne Schild is a doctoral psychology intern at the LSU Mental Health Center who conducts counseling appointments with students. Schild believes that such a dramatic increase in the prevalence of depression is connected to a societal change.
“I think what we’re seeing is a cultural shift to wanting immediate fixes and instant gratification. And because we can’t get that all the time, I wonder then how we’re dealing with the incongruence,” Schild said.
Side effects of depression often begin in the early teen years, my age of onset being 12. Increased impatience, irritability and other sudden changes in behavior can be counterintuitive signs of an oncoming depressive episode. But for teens going through puberty, these symptoms can be easily dismissed as hormonal or a form of rebellion.
LSU international studies sophomore Alida Soileau’s experience with depression mirrors my own, including her family’s initial reaction.
“I first sought help for depression when I was 16. One of my relatives, a nurse, said it was just hormones,” Soileau said.  She was diagnosed with clinical depression three years later.
Depression shadowed Soileau throughout high school. One of the hallmarks of depression is an overwhelming sense of isolation. This symptom increases when there are few external indications of the illness.
“I became very good at going through the motions,” Soileau said. “No one really knew, I always seemed to be put together on the outside.”
Once a person finds it challenging to connect with the outside world, more serious side effects become difficult to communicate. Who would want to share the horrid, pervasive thoughts of death that accompany deep depression when others don’t even know the cause of her fatigue?
“I would ask my mom, ‘What if I die? What if there is no heaven?’ And I was only 12 years old,” Soileau furrowed her eyebrows. “It still doesn’t make sense to me.”
Some people believe this mental disorder is only being more readily diagnosed and the rate of depression isn’t actually increasing in America.
Science Daily revealed that complaints of common depressive symptoms, such as trouble sleeping or difficulty concentrating, have increased by a margin of 30-75 percent in the past three decades. This data shows that those who aren’t eager to claim depression are more frequently reporting relevant symptoms, which asserts the prevalence of depression is truly increasing.
As if the illness isn’t confusing enough, it can be hard to distinguish anxiety from depression, as each is a common symptom of the other. In my case, after years of my mind mimicking an overcrowded fish tank at the pet store, I forfeited to acute inactivity.
Lacking the desire to participate in life is exhausting. Nothing feels fun, nothing is interesting, nothing is exciting or joyful or pleasurable, and nothing sounds better than being left alone.
There are multiple forms of depression, the most debilitating being major depressive disorder (MDD). Though Schild realizes that everyone experiences depression differently, she finds one common theme among many of her depressed clients.
“Probably most often, I’ve encountered people who describe it as if they’re on autopilot, feeling like a robot, going through life without any sense of fulfillment,” Schild said.
Somehow, that is only the tip of the iceberg. The feeling of being on autopilot, as Schild said, only concerns the numbing aspect of depression. On the other side of the spectrum exists intense negative emotions, which Soileau knows too well.
“I have overwhelming guilt for very small things that I should not feel guilty about,” Soileau said. “I can rationalize that I should not feel guilt, but I still do.”
That’s the part about depression that sucks the most. One can be completely aware that the side effects are ridiculously irrelevant and causeless, but that does nothing to help get out of a depression.
 In fact, such an awareness only makes the symptoms worse. One develops self-hatred for a misplaced hatred of life, for the narcissism characteristic of depression, for the sharp words shot at those who only try to help, for a complete disinterest in the people around you, in anything.
 It becomes overwhelming. Good advice toward a depressed person works just about as well as good advice toward someone neck-deep in quicksand.  
“I would say, ‘Come on, get your shit together!’” Soileau said of the attempts she made to pull herself out of a funk. “Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t.”
Depression is not just sadness, and it cannot be banished by pure willpower.
“There is no such thing as a quick fix. You either need counseling or medication or both,” Soileau said.
But in the meantime, Soileau suggested that one finds a fail-proof form of coping.
 “I’ve learned to rely on friends. I have one friend who I go over to her house and pet her cat and vent to her,” Soileau said. “She doesn’t even have to respond, it’s enough just to talk to someone.”
 Schild echoed this sentiment, and offered advice to devoted loved ones of those who are depressed.
 “Empathically listen, first and foremost,” Schild said. “Help them seek out resources, check in on them, get them connected.”
She had very important words to say to those currently in a depression.
“You’re not alone, and you don’t have to feel this way forever,” Schild said. “There are people out there who want to help you, and there are those who are also trained to help.”
Note: The most universal symptoms of depression are feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt, irritability, numbness, and physical symptoms like neck aches and stomach cramps. If you are experiencing a combination of any of these or others, seek out the help of a psychiatric professional. The majority of depressive cases can be treated successfully with therapy and medication.