I walked out of Tiger Stadium this past Friday with mixed feelings. Of course, I felt like my guts had been kicked out. I felt angry that Houston Nutt had managed to beat us with what was essentially a game plan right out of Madden football. But I also felt strangely liberated. You see, with the Tigers pretty much out of the national championship picture, I don’t have to worry so much about things that don’t really matter. Gone is the need to try to decipher the BCS standings. Gone is the need to watch ESPN’s College GameDay to see how worthless teams like Kansas and Oregon did this weekend. Gone is the need to watch Tiger football thinking, “Oh man, we didn’t win by enough points. This might drop us .032 points in the BCS!” Now Tiger football is a bit more relaxing. All we have to do is beat Tennessee to go to the Sugar Bowl. If we lose, the team misses out on the BCS and goes to some other bowl. It’s a much simpler equation than the ones we’ve been dealing with amid the title chase. This got me thinking about what the University is going to do with all the time that had been consumed by Tiger football. So I decided to come up with some suggestions. Study: Yes, believe it or not, our University not only provides a great football team for your enjoyment, it also provides an opportunity to get a degree. All you need to do is retrieve your syllabi (those are the papers you received on the first day of class), do the papers you haven’t done and borrow the notes from a studious classmate. Then simply study to receive a passing grade. You need to pass to be eligible to buy season tickets for next year, so it’s pretty important. Come up with a new halftime show: Sure, this applies mostly to Tiger Band, but the community can pitch in. Tiger Band usually does a great job at games and did a tremendous job on the Homecoming show. However, three times this year we heard a halftime performance featuring the music of Jennifer Lopez that “Oh-Wee-Oh” sucked. This, along with the incredibly lame fund raising slogan of “Band Together,” shows a need for Tiger Band and the University community to get our creative juices flowing to help the football team do better next year. Watch a movie: It’s difficult to comprehend, but there are different forms of entertainment other than football. The best is reading a book, but after reading the books English professors typically assign, most people have sworn off reading anything other than a scoreboard and a menu. It’s a shame because no one reads greats like Dante anymore, but I’ll compromise and suggest a good movie. And no, “Transformers” in no way qualifies. Buy discounted shirts featuring Les Miles: This one is pretty self-explanatory. Discuss a serious topic with your friends: There’s more to debating than coming up with the most scenarios that could play out in the BCS. There are lots of important issues that affect the daily lives of students in the University. There are moral issues, like abortion, gay marriage and the war in Iraq. There are financial issues, like raising tuition and fee bills. LSU System President John Lombardi told The Times-Picayune on Nov. 6 that “When I go to the student parking lot and see that the cars are all shiny, all new and all cost more than $30,000, I assume that tuition is too low.” This news came without a peep from a campus too obsessed with football. If you walk around the commuter parking lot, it looks like a joint Toyota and Honda dealership. Most of the expensive cars sit in the administration parking lot. So if you’d like to not see your tuition raised based on poor observations by Mr. Lombardi, write a letter to The Daily Reveille. There are plenty of other issues that should require our attention and need to be discussed. Visit Mike the Tiger: With no more home football games, Mike’s going to get pretty lonely. With no companions, I’m sure he’ll eagerly receive any visitors. So go up to the cage and admire what my friend calls the “pretty kitty.” These are just a few suggestions. You could also spend time with your friends and family, go on a date with your girlfriend and … wait, what? LSU could still make the national championship game if West Virginia and Missouri lose LSU wins by a large margin, and Jesus comes back? And even if they don’t, the Saints can still make the playoffs? Sigh. Never mind – return to your football lives.
—-Contact Michael Denton at [email protected]