If you thought Brett Favre was having a bad week, take a look at social media in the sports world.
First, Ole Miss signee and five-star linebacker C.J. Johnson took Mississippi State out of the running for his services because of overbearing fans accosting him on Facebook.
Mississippi State’s technological horror continued when basketball star Ravern Johnson helped the Bulldogs become the first Southeastern Conference team banned from Twitter after tweeting this shot at MSU coach Rick Stansbury:
“Starting to see why people Transfer you can play the minutes but not getting your talents shown because u watching someone else wit the ball the whole game shooters need to move not watch why other coaches get that do not make sense to me.”
The week’s real winner, however, came when Auburn commitment Cyrus Kouandjio was besieged on Facebook by thousands of fans from both sides of the Iron Bowl rivalry after wavering from his Auburn pledge and ultimately signing with Alabama.
Any time grown men are sending a high school student messages like “Go die,” it’s time to take a step back and re-evaluate things.
Leave it to Mormons to show unrepentant SEC fans the way.
BYU student Michelle Peralta wrote a letter to the editor of the Daily Universe, BYU’s student newspaper, bemoaning the constant love on campus for NCAA Player of the Year candidate/cult hero Jimmer Fredette.
“I can’t walk across campus without hearing Jimmer Fredette’s name a dozen times,” the letter began. “His name comes up everywhere: in class, at work, during lunch … really, people? Cut it out with the Jimmer worship. Last time I checked, idol worship was very much frowned upon in the scriptures.”
And so it continued until ending with a plea to “let me live my own dreams in peace, even if they don’t include ever sitting in the Marriott Center screaming my brains out.”
What happened next is something that should serve as a lesson to the death-happy fans of the SEC.
Dogged and resourceful BYU fans tracked down her Facebook page and began commenting en masse on her status announcing her letter to the editor.
But here’s the thing — despite lacking the to-the-point approach favored by Alabamans (“Go die”), the comments are almost all hilarious, witty … and (not surprising considering the religious background of most posters) clean.
To spare you the trouble of reading through the many hundreds of Jimmer-worshipping lines, here are some of my favorites:
“Forgive Michelle for she knows not what she says.”
“On the Marriot Center court, The Jimmer brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. The Jimmer then shot it through the net from 40 feet, killing it instantly. This was to prove that the good Jimmer giveth, and the good Jimmer, He taketh away.”
“Double Jimmer all the way across the sky.”
“Too bad you haven’t had a ‘Jimmergasm’ yet.”
“You are here by invited to attend the first church of Jimmer! we worship every Wednesday night and Saturday afternoon.”
“Jimmer never said it was easy, he only said it would be worth it.”
“One time the BYU basketball team was walking on the beach and they looked back and saw only one set of footprints!”
“It is better to dwell in the Marriott Center and cheer for Jimmer, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”
“Jimmer is the 11th commandment.”
“You obviously haven’t asked Jimmer with a sincere heart OR real intent, because He would have manifested the truth unto you.”
“I for one am going to try to befriend Michelle. It is what Jimmer would do.”
And so goes almost every single comment, spreading the Gospel of Jimmer in a way that is hilarious, biting, and — most importantly — printable.
Even if it’s not being delivered door-to-door, it’s an example worth following.
_____
Contact Ryan Ginn at [email protected]
