Cufftopia. I would like to welcome all of you to a magical place.
In Cufftopia there is an overabundance of beer flowing forth from the land, milk and honey style. There are leafy green plants overtaking governmental buildings and large corporations. Young Cuffists (as all residents of Cufftopia shall be called) roam the bicycle filled streets and shout with jubilation “We’re free!”
These inhabitants of this wonderful republic attend school for free with no extra fees assessed. They are allowed to study the subjects they are truly interested in instead of bribing their friends to take their Biology 1001 exams for them when they would rather be painting or writing a short story.
In Cufftopia there is no need to protest the hanging of a biblical “document” in a public place because the people of Cufftopia realize that there is such a thing as a “non-christian” individual. They also realize, thanks to their free and adequate education, that a truly free nation can only exist without a governing body that creates edicts according to a book of myths.
Few are the “SECTION FULL”s during class scheduling in Cufftopia. Indeed, only the exceptionally talented and motivated scholars are invited to attend Cuff U, so there are not thousands of people trying to get into too few classes. There are also millions of dollars in grants available to build structures dedicated to learning, not playing sports.
These funds flow like the beer of Cufftopia, copiously and generously and the administrators of CU who wish to redirect these funds towards athletics are summarily dismissed and replaced with hipper people who think learning is neat.
As Cufftopia is home to many intellectuals, there is no need to waste Cufftopia’s limited supply of motor scooters on the tiny band of over-fed athletes (who, by the way, should be more capable of walking across campus than anyone else due to their intensive physical training).
No, these motor scooters shall be given to the legion of hard working graduate students who don’t have time to walk to and from home and/or class due to their rigorous academic life. These students will appreciate the motor scooters immensely since they are often burdened by many books and the athletes are usually burdened by only a one subject notebook.
Sushi restaurants stay open 24 hours a day and offer a 90% discount from 8 am-5 pm every day. Coffee is free, and there are centers of commerce where one may buy a harvested version of the leafy green plant that covers many buildings in Cufftopia.
Most importantly, there is lots of love. People can get married (or not get married) to anyone they want. If two men want to get married they are welcome to. There are many adorable lesbian couples with children and equally as many adorable heterosexual couples without.
There is no pressure to wed and procreate by a certain age, so most residents of Cufftopia spend many years studying at CU and traveling extensively before finding-or not finding- their mate(s).
I could elaborate further but I’ll stop there for now. Stay tuned for further installments of Life in Cufftopia.
Ideas? Send me an email: [email protected].