On the first day of college, the Dean of Students addresses the new freshmen, pointing out a few rules.
“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180.”
“Are there any questions?”
At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, “How much for a season pass?”
I always hear sex jokes just like that one, so why is sex so funny?
You never hear a joke about two people in a loving relationship. I guess commitment is just not funny.
Do the three men that walk into a bar and plug that one legged prostitute ever fall in love?
Or do we make jokes about sex because we are afraid to look at the issue seriously, even though sex in our age group is an epidemic spreading faster than Christina Aguilera’s legs in her videos?
Sex is full of experiments that are just silly. Think about all the things people try when they are in the sack. People use props; they get into positions of awkward numbers like 69, and they make noises that could be mistaken for dying wild animals. Love, however, makes us act silly and brainless; it doesn’t make us break out the whip and chains or want to use produce in places other than salad…I mean… uh… if you’re into that kind of stuff.
Sex is everywhere. Why? Because it’s on everybody’s mind. Men think about sex every seven seconds and I guarantee women aren’t far behind (unless that woman is your grandmother – gross).
So if sex is everywhere and we are able to make jokes about it, how come it’s so taboo?
It’s 2004, and the line is very thin that defines what you can and can’t say about sex. And when it is your job to write about it, it’s hard for people to draw the line between when you’re joking around and when you’re talking about your own personal escapades.
I think sex is very true to campus life. It’s a pretty sure bet that the majority of LSU students are having sex. And I am going to make sure that I give LSU students what they want. So I’m going to write articles about the decline of the hand job (I know it’s sad but so true), but don’t be surprised if you see an article about abstinence. You can take what you want from that and make your own assumptions.
To help throw off those assumptions, take this from me (or Seinfeld): if a woman taps you during oral sex it means “stop,” it’s sort of like the manager coming to the mound and asking for the ball.
And even worse, here’s a disclaimer and a shout out: I do let my mother read this column, and “I love you mom!”