I love the middle finger. 

It’s the last breath of a losing argument. If all else fails, give them the finger and walk away. You may have lost, but at least you didn’t lose with dignity.  

It’s so satisfying. There’s something cathartic about expressing frustration, even if it’s just the finger.

I was driving down Interstate 10 going west toward Lafayette. I was in the left lane, going 80 mph, and a big truck gets on my ass like he wants to pass me.

This pisses me off, like it would many drivers. I’m doing 10 over      already and this guy’s breathing down my neck.

My first reaction — screw you, man. 

So I move over and let him pass on the left, but not without giving him a middle finger so erect I could’ve been mistaken for E.T. 

So this guy, who by this point I’ve figured out is also a jerk, pulls in front of me and slams on his brakes. 

I slam on my brakes, nearly rear-ending him. Thankfully, there was no contact and he sped off like somebody was giving away free camouflage floor mats. 

So what’s the lesson here? Yes, you could argue I instigated it by giving him the finger, but that was only in response to his Third World style of driving. 

The point is that offending people is important. It’s a healthy way of expressing frustration in a nonviolent manner. I felt so much better after letting that guy know how much he sucks as a driver. 

Granted, he could’ve killed me. But he didn’t. Because if he did, he’d go to jail.

The Constitution protects middle finger use, but not assault and battery, Jeremy Hill. 

In a similar fashion, I bet lots of you feel pretty good after telling me off in an online comment. 

Which is great; that’s what it’s there for. It’s our job to write stuff that’ll make you think (but it’ll probably just make you mad), and it’s your job to get mad afterward and tell us how much we suck. 

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the United States of America — freedom’s wet dream. 

The beauty of this great nation is I’m allowed to say anything and you’re allowed to say anything back. 

Nobody should be censoring either of us. I have ideas, you have ideas, and no matter how controversial or seemingly insane, nobody can shut us up.

Offending people is the American way of doing things. You think the Founding Fathers went around just being polite to each other all the time?

Who do you think we are, Canadians?

The day we can’t shit all over somebody (figuratively speaking) is the day we lose the very thing that makes us American — the freedom to air our grievances without fear of retribution. 

But sometimes, there is retribution. People often try to silence those who disagree with them, at which point in time, I instruct all of you to lock and load your middle fingers, we’re going on a drive-by. 

You have a voice. If you love something, say so. If you hate something, let us know. If you couldn’t care less, just say, “Dude, I’m Switzerlanding over here, leave me alone.”

When you’re quiet, somebody else is talking. 

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night.