STARKVILLE, Miss. — At least once, every Southeastern Conference football fan should make a pilgrimage to Starkville, Miss., to catch a Mississippi State game.
After making the trek to the literal middle of nowhere Saturday to cover the LSU game, I realized anybody could gain some real perspective from it.
My time in the city affectionately dubbed “Starkvegas” may have been short, but here are my top observations from the trip:
THE ROAD TO STARKVILLE
From Baton Rouge, it’s roughly a four-and-a-half-hour drive. Until Jackson, Miss., it’s a pretty standard drive through the Southeast: a highway loaded with overpasses, strip malls and every fast food chain known to man.
After passing through Jackson, the second half of the trip felt like a magical history tour through a time and place I didn’t think still existed.
The path is miles of one-lane “highway” with no cell reception and more cows than people. It’s acceptable to drive tractors and four-wheelers on the road, and the usual chain spots are replaced by sporadic mom-and-pop gas stations with pumps that seemingly predate the invention of the motor vehicle.
The true gem of the trip is the small town of Canton — or “the home of Nissan,” as its welcome signs read. It felt like a scenic trip through 1950s-era Anytown, USA, with a seedy, Breaking Bad-esque suburban undertone. Within five minutes, I observed one broad- daylight drug deal, two discount drug stores and three liquor stores.
It was the quintessential middle-of-nowhere trip, and everyone should experience it.
THE WORLD’S LARGEST COWBELL
The Mississippi State cowbell is as old a tradition as any in the SEC. The clang can be heard on TV, but until experienced in person, it’s truly impossible to appreciate how loud Davis Wade Stadium can get.
When Mississippi State scored to take a 23-21 lead in the second quarter, the press box felt like the center of one big cowbell. Hours after the conclusion of the game, I could still hear the incessant clanging in my mind like a constant reminder of my trip to Starkvegas.
SEC rules try to regulate when State fans are allowed to use their artificial noise makers. Countless signs and public service announcements urge fans to “Respect the bell, don’t ring, yell,” throughout the game.
The best part of the whole trip was the trolling, disapproving cowbelling that followed every single one of those PSAs. It was glorious.
The way I look at it, they have to live in Starkville, and if the cowbell makes them happy, let them have it.
THE VIDEO BOARD
Davis Wade Stadium has stands on two sides with a third one currently under construction. In the other end zone, the stadium features the largest video screen this side of Jerry World.
The cowbell may be annoying to outsiders, but it’s acceptable because it’s steeped in tradition. However, there should be laws against the things that appeared on that Jumbotron.
The board’s first crime against humanity was the constant mash-ups of cowbells and dubstep music. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and the atrocious combination of clanging and bass makes nails on a chalkboard sound like a Beethoven symphony.
The cowbell Harlem Shake was offensive to the ear, but what followed was so much worse.
The Mississippi State video board still features a kiss cam, a tradition I thought died long ago in our society. Nothing in life can prepare a person to see senior citizens make out with tongue on a gigantic screen. It was like experiencing the world’s most graphic Viagra commercial on a giant TV without a remote to change the channel.
The SEC needs to stop worrying about their cowbells and take away State’s video board privileges, because the operators should be jailed for what they did on Saturday.
I’d still recommend going to Starkville, because it may be the truest small-town atmosphere in the SEC. Everyone should experience it — just be prepared to see things that should never be seen.
But honestly, that’s what made the trip so fun.
James Moran is a 21-year-old mass communication senior from Beacon, N.Y.