According to a Newspaper That Shall Not Be Named, Middleton librarians are actively ignoring the fact that students are sleeping in every nook and cranny of the facility, causing a potential health and safety hazard.

Many experts in the field of Bibliodormition assert that sleeping in Middleton only becomes an issue when the napping student involved is blocking a computer, or has started a medium-sized commune centered around an overloaded power outlet. However, studies I’ve just made up show otherwise. 

With the spread of disease threatening communities such as Arizona, all it takes is one weirdo and her unvaccinated disease carrier of a child to cause a hotbed of viral activity within our own library. Fire safety is also an issue as most drowsy students will be simply too exhausted to climb down the stairs towards safety.

The general acceptance of sleeping in libraries, which is apparently common on college campuses, has led to suspicions of some napping people being homeless.

Librarians therefore have the difficult task of drawing the line between broke hungry people who have not showered in a while and other broke hungry people who have not showered in a while.

Since last semester, the library has extended its hours to a 24/5 schedule.
Middleton still appears to be in a transitional mode, however, as people are still startled to see me hissing at them underneath desks at four in the morning.
Want to know what bibliodormition is? Want to know if bibliodormition is right for you? Visit The Funyon on Twitter for the lowdown on knowledge beyond your comprehension. And, oh, yeah, the preceding was satire.