The 2015 LSU Student Government Debate is Thursday, March 5 only on tigertv.tv
It’s usually more of the same. 
The same old thing. Vague-sounding parties in a sea of names on a Student Government ballot that doesn’t mean much to you. Don’t waste your vote on some random candidate.
Waste it on us.
It’s time for something different. Something out of the ordinary. Something extraordinary.
Introducing The Other Option, the next Student Government ticket for LSU. Conceived as a response to years of disconnect between Student Government and the student body, The Other Option is based on a platform built on issues that matter to all LSU students. 
We don’t play by the rules… except the rules governing what we can and cannot do. Our values and principles are based in the belief that Student Government represents not just some students but ALL students. We’re not afraid to take chances except where it becomes really inconvenient because we’re pretty busy most of the time. That’s why we believe we should be under your consideration during this upcoming Student Government election. 
OUR PLATFORM
A Tobacco-Full Campus
The university’s oppressive policies against smoking have gone too far, marginalizing groups of students who understand the value of personal liberty and the good-time a refreshing, tasty cigarette can bring. That’s why our pro-active campaign to promote smoking across the LSU campus is vital towards protecting your right to smoke-filled air.
More Stringent Budget Cuts
LSU is the home of the Fighting Tigers, a representation we don’t take lightly. When Governor Bobby Jindal announced wide-ranging budget cuts, Student Government and the university used fear to scare the student body into support their political “education is vital” agenda. However, we believe we shouldn’t face these budget cuts laying down. We propose to double the budget cuts that LSU will face this year, diverting said funds from such frivolous programs such as student media, sending a clear message to our Governor that two can play at his game.
Movin’ ‘Groovin” Back for Students
“Groovin’ on the Grounds” has been an important part of LSU life for many, many years. However, if the cronies at the university have any say in it, you’ll no longer have any reason to visit the Parade Grounds ever again. Imagine having to find transportation or having to wait for a bus to get to the River Center only to find out that you can’t get absolutely hammered while listening to some washed up musical act from the 90s. Let’s keep this vital LSU tradition home where it belongs: on wet ground covered in trash and bottles of cheap whisky. 
Fully Destroy the Art Building
Enough is enough. For far too long, students on campus have had to listen to debates about saving the art building, a dilapidated structure that serves as an oppressive reminder of our ineffectiveness of maintaining facility infrastructure. It’s far easier to simply erase our memories of such mistakes by finally tearing down the art building and replacing it with a new student athlete-only Smoothie King/Chipotle combo complex. 
Close All Student Media
Student Media is meant to bring coverage and developments of the LSU campus to its students, serving as the voice of the student body of the university. However, it’s become increasingly clear that facts of Student Media only exist to serve their own self interests, abusing their platforms to promote their liberal agendas and make literally a thousand dollars for close to four months of full time work. How sickening is that? Why don’t they get a trust fund and support themselves like everyone else on the LSU campus? Our student body has made it increasingly clear: more sports and more boobs. We’ll send the message loud and clear and close down any facet of student media that doesn’t give you exactly what you deserve. 
OUR CANDIDATES
Lydia Lacroix, President
Lydia is a biochemical weapons engineering major and has witnesses many changes here on the LSU campus. However, not all of them have been for better. Reduced Blue Book rations and oppressive attendance policies are just a couple of the damaging changes that have made our university weaker and more inept to responding to the challenges of our ever-growing university. Lydia realizes that giving the students what they want is vital for getting students to actively participate in our university and is willing to make what promises necessary to gain your trust. 
Dillon Porter, Vice President
Dillon, just like Joe Biden, doesn’t serve much of a role besides looking pretty. But isn’t that what you deserve? For far too long, LSU students have had to make choices between average to slightly above average looking candidates for Student Government. It’s time for a strong, confident white male to serve as the face of your Student Government and to represent the diversity that this campus has to offer. Dillon isn’t just a handsome man, mind you. He’s also a single one, ladies. 😉
The preceding was satirical because there’s no way we could ever actually run for Student Government. More useless content just like this is at thefunyon.com.

Gallery • 2 Photos

Dillon Porter | The Other Option