U.S. Senator and Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders announced he will hold a rally featuring pop superstar and Patron Saint of Cats, Taylor Swift.
“As the forces of evil unite, it’s up to us to protect the innocent Americans from tyrants like Hillary Rodham Clinton and Katy Perry,” Senator Sanders proclaimed.
The duo made the announcement Monday via livestream from Swift’s Fortress of Solitude. Swift’s seemingly endless squad of elite, white female friends and a legion of cats stood behind her and Sanders throughout the announcement.
The KFC-sponsored rally is rumored to be a direct response to Clinton’s recent Iowa rally with pop singer and aspiring clown, Katy Perry.
“I don’t know who that is,” Swift said when asked if she was doing this to get back at Perry.
Swift shared her excitement to collaborate with Sanders, saying, “Colonel Sanders and I are really excited to collaborate. I think delicious fried chicken is a luxury all Americans are entitled to.”
“Make sure to pick up my album ‘1989’ at your local KFC,” Swift said before she was whisked away by her entourage.
Clinton held a news conference shortly after Sanders’ announcement where she welcomed her opponent’s rally.
“I think Sen. Sanders and Taylor make a great pair,” Clinton said before adding, “But if they want ‘Bad Blood’ that’s what they’re going to get.”
But when it came to her personal thoughts on Swift, Clinton said, “I think she’s a sweet girl and I’m really happy for her, but Beyoncé really did have one of the best music videos of all time.”
Perry did not attend Clinton’s conference. Representatives for Clinton say the partnership with Perry is terminated due to Perry not being likable enough.
Clinton is said to reaching out to British singer and former alcoholic, Adele. Clinton alluded to the partnership as she ended her conference.
“I don’t know if you know this, but that was actually me calling Adele in her new music video,” Clinton said. “I love Adele just like every other American citizen.”
John Gavin Harp is a 20-year-old mass communication junior from St. Francisville, Louisiana. You can reach him on Twitter @SirJohnGavin.