“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
I’m pretty sure when Charles Dickens penned those words, he wasn’t thinking of Valentine’s Day.
Sorry, Charlie.
Today is advertised as a day for overt romance, supposedly in honor of multiple Catholic saints named Valentine. Historically, there’s no known association with romance until Geoffrey Chaucer’s “Parlement of Foules” around 1382.
Far removed from the time of courtly love, the weight of this romantic day can be taxing or uplifting for the single and coupled alike.
Some single people feel like a failure because of the emphasis on committed relationships. Many people in a relationship, though, feel it’s a day where they’re forced to do something for their loved one — something which may not be 100 percent heartfelt.
It’s really not an easy day for anyone, is it?
Maybe it’s time we take a step back and relieve pressure all around.
We’re so focused on proving that we love someone today that we forget it’s not the outward romantic gestures that make love special.
It’s OK to be single. No one should be in a relationship simply to take part in a pseudo-holiday propagating false romanticism.
If you haven’t found the person for you, don’t be ashamed or upset. Celebrate the strength and determination it takes to wait for a person who makes you laugh and treats you like you deserve to be treated.
It’s not easy being single, but being in a relationship is no cakewalk either.
Not everyone likes roses, chocolate or candy chalk hearts (as my partner calls them).
Not everyone can write a poem, yet many find cards impersonal and, frankly, way too cheesy. In this economy, the average Joe can’t afford dining at fancy restaurants, but he may not know how to cook a romantic meal from scratch, either.
I’m pretty sure we’re eating at Izzo’s tonight.
The point isn’t that Valentine’s Day is the absolute worst holiday in existence — Presidents’ Day snags that honor.
There are a lot of things that make love special, but in trying to publicly prove our love, we forget the most basic part of that emotion.
We forget to love ourselves first.
The commandment isn’t “love your neighbor as best as you can figure.” It’s “love your neighbor as yourself.”
You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else, platonically or romantically.
We live in a time of rampant self-hatred. We’re showered constantly with demands to change our bodies, our thinking, our personalities and sense of humor, as if who we are just isn’t good enough.
They’re wrong.
We come in all shapes, sizes, skin tones and eye colors. We have different things that make us laugh, cry and fall in love.
I can’t stop people from believing there’s a standard of romance, but I can say you’re not alone if you don’t like that specific style of romance.
This Valentine’s Day, don’t ask for anything from your partner. Turn your love inward and have a day of romance with yourself.
Make a list of what makes you amazing, and post it somewhere you can see it every day. It’s great to look at a list of why you’re awesome on a bad hair day or a morning after you’ve gotten only three hours of sleep.
Take a long bubble bath if that’s your thing. Stay in, eat leftovers and laugh at reruns of your favorite sitcom. Don’t worry about what you “should” do, and take the day to do what makes you feel loved.
Realize that love starts on the inside and works its way out, whether you are in a relationship or not. Make this Valentine’s Day about showing yourself love and do what is right for you, regardless of your relationship status.
Kristi Carnahan is a 25-year-old anthropology senior from West Monroe. Follow her on Twitter @TDR_KCarnahan.
 
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Contact Kristi Carnahan at [email protected]