Sometimes I feel I need a boost – something to keep me focused and going during the long hours of studying. Coffee just isn’t cutting it anymore. Biology’s a competitive major – I mean, we can’t all grow up to cure cancer – and I need to give myself an edge. I’ve looked at everything: shady caffeine sprays sold at gas stations, energy drinks and even prescription stimulants. Too much caffeine makes me sick, and energy drinks seem to only have placebo effects, so I’m left contemplating Adderall. I’m not sold, though. I was raised in a very D.A.R.E.-friendly environment where such an idea would be dismissed as reckless and stupid. For me to have this thought is kind of a big deal. But my strong resolve has been under some duress, and the temptation buzzes in my mind like a mosquito I can’t swat. I try to tell myself it really isn’t a big deal – I know plenty of people who take stimulants for studying, prescription or non prescription. But when those hellish weeks filled with tests and papers come around, the only students I see on top of their game are the people who have some stimulants on their side – they always seem to have endless concentration and discipline. They can sit and study for hours on end, distractions and sleep be damned.
It’s not like Adderall is hard to find on campus. Plenty students sell their extras, or I could just go to my doctor. I’ve been told since I was little that I have ADD – I like to call it spontaneity of thought – and even if doctors weren’t passing prescriptions out like candy, I’m pretty sure I could still score a ‘scrip. I’ve even debated trying it out with a “borrowed” pill first and setting up an appointment with a neighborhood family practice doctor if it worked. But it just isn’t that simple. When I graduate, I want it to be all me – it’ll be that much sweeter to get there through my own force of will, not because of the illicit chemical stimulants that kept me up at night. Until then, I guess I’ll be keeping the campus coffee houses in business.
—-Contact Emily McArdle at [email protected]