I was trying to figure out how to write my (presumably) last column without making it some lame swan song. So I decided to share a few things I’ve learned during my tenure at LSU. Take it or leave it. I don’t care — I’m graduating. I think.17. Even if you skate and vote and ride, you’re still going to die.16. Study abroad. Broads are pretty expensive these days, but totally worth it.15. Sure, hanging out with friends may be more fun than playing video games, but video games don’t abandon you when you’re being selfish or acting like an ass. (Actually, I learned this in high school.)14. Condoms are for losers.13. Go to class and take notes. It’s like teachers are giving you the test answers ahead of time. It’s amazing.12. Furthermore, take the time to establish a solid GPA in your first year or two. That way you can party later without destroying all hope of graduating.11. Invest time in a solid, long-term relationship with someone special.10. Invest time in some meaningless, short-term relationships with random strangers.9. Jägermeister, honey and vodka are all perfectly acceptable chasers to vodka.8. If your soccer ball gets stuck in a tree, don’t throw your shoe up to knock the ball down.7. If your shoe gets stuck in a tree, don’t throw your other shoe up to knock the first shoe down.6. If you knock your ball down from a tree, but both your shoes are still stuck, don’t throw the ball up to knock the shoes back down.5. If students really want to protect their interests against a money-hungry administration, Student Media and Student Government will work with, not against, each other.4. Remember the University experience isn’t merely to prepare you for a career. It is a time to explore, learn about yourself and consume copious amounts of alcohol. Also: football.3. If you don’t leave college shameless and incapable of being embarrassed, you’re not doing yourself any favors.2. Don’t drive drunk.1. Party all the time.—-Contact Daniel McBride at [email protected]
Sk8 or Die, Bro: Wisdom of 9 vodka- drenched semesters
December 4, 2008