I have been a full-fledged freshman for about a week and believe I’ve discovered a universal truth of college – dorms suck.
On move-in day, I lugged suitcases, stuffed boxes, a mini-fridge and a microwave up flights of stairs into the dorm room I now call home.
As I entered the room, the obviousness of my overpacking assailed me. The room, about the same size as my bedroom at home, would have to be shared with another person.
Not only was the room undersized – it seems the penny pinchers who designed the dorm purchased everything undersized. The closets are tiny, and the beds are so small that when I got into bed the first night I rolled over and nearly fell out. Are these beds supposed to sleep a “post-freshman 15” student or an Olsen twin?
These are only mere inconveniences compared to my next adventure – the bathroom. I am not a tall guy, measuring 5 feet 8 inches on a good day. The stalls in Lejune’s bathrooms are so small that when I sit down, my knees hit the door and my feet jut out under it.
In fact, this is the first time in my life I’m pleased not to be tall. Imagine the chagrin of some unfortunate 6-footer who has to use these bathrooms. Residential life should cut circles in the stall doors so occupants can have a place to put their knees. Seriously, Mike the Tiger has more space than we do.
Another shock regarding the bathroom is the lack of sacredness. The John (or Josephine for you feminists) is a sacred place. While I am trying to conduct my business, others come in blaring iPods or holding conversations on the phone, destroying the sanctity of the toilet.
I firmly believe cell phones and bathrooms don’t mix. Nothing is so urgent that it can’t wait until you are finished. The person you are talking to doesn’t want to hear you taking a crap.
I have discovered some college students must be allergic to toilet handles. No one needs to see your latest, awe-inspiring creation but you.
Unfortunately, I can’t end this column on the positive note – things don’t get better. This is the third dorm I have stayed in on campus, and they all suck.
—-Contact Allen Womble at [email protected]