Take a second to think about Christmas. Think about the millions of people worldwide who hang their stockings on the fireplace, prepare eggnog milk shakes and dance and sing the songs millions of Christians have been singing for hundreds of years. Now, think about someone singing “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.”
Do you want to gag a little bit? If you don’t, your vision has been clouded. I thought Christmas actually meant something. I pictured a world in which people of all races and ethnicities come together to share in the love of simply being together to celebrate the end of another year. As I do not work for Halliburton, Heinz or Honda, I can see the difference.
As a general rule, I try to filter Jesus from capitalism, but sometimes examples are too blatant to ignore. At Jesus’ birth, the three wise men presented their gifts of frankincense, gold and myrrh, but they didn’t come in hybrids. Throughout this month, we will be reminded that Jesus was born in front of a Honda dealership while Santa stands 50 feet away peering over those driving on Florida Boulevard, categorizing the hopeless traffic into columns of naughty and nice.
People have wondered what Jesus would drive for years. The answer came Nov. 20, 2002, when the Evangelical Environmental Network partnered together with top automakers in Detroit to formally begin the “What Would Jesus Drive” campaign. According to its Web site, whatwouldjesusdrive.org, the campaign “marked the public emergence of an evangelical voice on the issues of fuel economy and pollution from vehicles.” In six months, the group has already generated 4,000 media stories. More than 90 Christian leaders signed its call to action, making a commitment to “walk the walk and drive the talk.”
It’s all old news. No one wants to bash the good name of Jesus or Santa during this time of year. But bashing is well-deserved when it comes to those who believe in his word, and presume to act in “his way.” The assumption arises that Jesus feels exactly about the 2008 Honda Civic the way dealership owners feel about putting a statue of the Virgin Mary surrounded by elves outside the new car lot, coaxing idiot Louisianians into thinking Christians are doomed to hell lest they not stop in and buy a new automobile. This subtle reminder that Christmas is here leaves me with an unsettling feeling, as if Jesus himself is infuriated by my lack of desire to submit to his will, even if it means buying his products.
Kwanzaa is coming up as well, but there are no candles or reminders outside of Popeyes. There’s also no Star of David outside of the bank.
Most, if not all, of America is well aware of Jesus’ birthday. Say what you will about any church during this festive season, everyone knows their presents are coming. We look forward to this time of year every year, and it should feel special to know we have a treat coming to commemorate the original. Tradition aside, the name of Christmas as it was has changed for the worse because of the widespread dominance of big business and the increasing stupidity of America.
We shell out hundreds of thousands of dollars around this time of year, and what do we have to show for it later? Tacky colored lights that stay up until Easter, when Jesus’ coming back becomes the main topic of discussion.
Personally, I think Jesus needs to get off the throne and get back down here.
He has a hell of a royalty check to pick up. If he saw what humans do with his name, he would get medieval on all of us – starting with the car dealerships. The day of reckoning is coming, but it will affect a lot more than simply the nonbelievers. A hard rain will fall when the name of the Lord becomes a part of every facet of our society. His name wasn’t meant to be sullied by lowlifes looking to launder their morals to make a buck.
Don’t cast your judgment on me simply because I want more Christians to practice the actual reason for the season. Out there you sit, angrily eyeing these words of contempt that don’t apply to you. Chances are, if you find this column too cynical or pessimistic, you’re right. There are exceptions to the rule, like the millions worldwide that go to Mass to pray the night before Christmas. But at some level, you must agree this holiday has been transformed into a consumer’s paradise, where those that have the means invest in themselves to feel as if they appreciate Christ and his works.
I love Christmas Day. I just hate Christmas time.
—-Contact Eric Freeman Jr at [email protected]