For weeks, “Jersey Shore” fans have been titillated by MTV’s teaser of Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino getting carted away on a stretcher after presumably getting in a fight with his roommate Ronnie Ortiz-Magro.
After all of the waiting, the time finally arrived Thursday when America would be rewarded for its patience.
And “Jersey Shore” dropped the ball.
This moment was supposed to be nothing short of glorious. After all, MTV did promote the hell out of it.
After the show’s season premiere on Aug. 4, MTV showed a season preview, highlighted by clips of Mike drooling everywhere as he tried to hold his own against Ronnie. The clips looked like they were leading up to an all-out battle royale and were followed by a shot of Mike on a stretcher.
Then MTV shoved the scene in our face, replaying the preview for what seemed like 24 hours straight over the VMA weekend.
Must have been epic, right?
Wrong.
Yes, Mike did end up in a neck brace, but who would have thought the injury would be self-induced? Not this guy.
Not only was the injury sustained from head-butting a wall, but also neither juicehead actually threw a punch. I could have mistaken the drunken wrestling for “smushing.”
And did you see Mike’s pants fall off?
The episode goes on to deal with the aftermath of yet another Ronnie and Sammy break-up. Yawn.
So where does the blame lie? Who promised the audience an epic, WWE-style smackdown and instead aired more of the same “Days of our Lives”-style melodrama?
I blame MTV.
The network played mind games with us. Knowing it milked its cash cow dry, MTV tried to make the audience believe that big things were in store, and it worked.
This isn’t the first time, either.
Every season of “The Real World” has a preview of the year’s events, and every time, the promised “holy shit” moment never delivers.
I’m not laying the blame completely with MTV. The fault also lies with other television networks and with movies and our culture in general.
People are so anxious that the action gets spoiled by the build-up.
When’s the last time you saw a movie preview that didn’t give away something from the final moments of the film?
The preview for the new movie “Straw Dogs” begins by saying six people were murdered out of self-defense and begs us to watch to find out if that really is the case.
So what’s the point of watching? The promise of seeing six people get “brutally murdered” doesn’t justify wasting $10 and an hour and a half of my life.
I’ll be honest. Sometimes I don’t even bother watching a movie. I go straight to the plot section on Wikipedia and figure I’ll just save myself 90 minutes.
And when’s the last time anyone read a whole book? Never. Three-hundred plus pages involves investing multiple days.
We always try and cheat ourselves out of a well-deserved, show-stopping surprise.
The pleasures in life are in the mysteries. The best part of the “Jersey Shore” episode was the sadly under-promoted ravings of a belligerent Mike as he tried to defend himself.
“I don’t get involved in your relationship, Ron,” he repeated probably five times.
The pure shock value of the now legendary Snooki punch was what helped catapult “Jersey Shore” to the big leagues of reality television in the first place.
Leave us wanting more, MTV. Everyone likes a surprise.
 
Kevin Thibodeaux is a 19-year-old journalism sophomore from Lafayette.
 
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Contact Kevin Thibodeaux at [email protected]