On Thursday evening, Hillary Clinton received some much-needed street cred in the form of an endorsement from religious deity and superstar, Beyoncé.
Beyoncé gave the endorsement at a surprise concert in Brooklyn that featured Clinton as the opening act. Clinton performed pitchy renditions of feminist anthems such as “American Woman,” “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” and “Promiscuous.”
Following her set, a winded Clinton explained her excitement over the endorsement.
“I’m really grateful Beyoncé is standing with me this election season,” Clinton said. “Well, technically, I’m standing with her, but who cares?”
As Clinton spoke, Beyoncé and her daughter, Blue Ivy, watched from their thrones made of “Beyoncé for President 2024” campaign signs. Beyoncé’s husband, Jay Z, was not in attendance, due to an altercation with Bernie Sanders supporters in an elevator.
“How do you feel about me, millennials? Stream me on TIDAL and in the voting booths at your state’s primary,” Clinton cried before being booed off the stage by Blue Ivy.
The high-profile endorsement came after photos of Clinton visiting the set of Beyoncé’s new music video made headlines last week. Reports pointed to the two collaborating on a plan for world domination, but Clinton aides referred to the meeting as a “power luncheon.”
Beyoncé’s support is the latest tactic in Clinton’s quest to trick millennials into voting for her.
Clinton suffered a series of defeats in last week’s primaries and is said to be shaking up her campaign strategy. Clinton staffers sent an email to supporters calling them to “get information.”
The Sanders campaign declined to comment directly on Clinton’s latest endorsement, in fear of facing the wrath of Beyoncé’s predominantly homosexual fanbase.
A Sanders spokesperson simply said, “We got 99 problems, but millennials ain’t one.”
The remarks were made in efforts to increase support for Sanders with African-American voters.
Sanders’ struggle with African-Americans recently worsened after an Iggy Azalea song was played at one of his rallies.
“Sen. Sanders didn’t mean to play ‘Fancy’ as his walkout song. We fired the intern who screwed up,” Sanders’ spokesperson said. “We all know Sen. Sanders is not in the fast lane from L.A. to Tokyo.”
With Beyoncé’s endorsement, Clinton is expected to strengthen her dominion over African-American voters. The endorsement is said to be the beginning stages of a partnership between the two female overlords.
Clinton will be featured on Beyoncé’s new album, on the song, “Fir$t Lady.”
John Gavin Harp is a 45-year-old suburban mom and wine enthusiast from The Real Housewives of New Jersey.