Oh, Grammies.
I admit that I am a sucker for awards shows. They’re just funny.
I’m convinced that these affairs are designed to expose the people we revere in the entertainment industry for what they are.
More often than not, these people turn out to be morons, or skanks, or both.
Case in point – Lil’ Kim.
Kim: We all know the red carpet elite go to slammin’ parties and get sloshed after the ceremony, let’s not be a frat boy about it.
Then Lil’ Kim makes some comment about a possible “Lady Marmalade” movie.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE let that freaking song die!
Missy Elliot said it best, “They made the movie already. It’s called ‘Moulin Rouge.’”
If you’re not a rap fan, then maybe you like country.
Alan Jackson can’t tell you the difference between Iraq and Iran according to his tribute song.
Get a freakin’ globe, buddy.
Then there is our dear pop-star friend Christina Aguilera.
I watched Joan Rivers interview Aguilera on the rug pre show.
What happened to that sweet virginal exterior?
Gone to skanksville.
I think I saw some nipple more than once, Chris.
Maybe she’s trying to drive a wedge between her image and Britney’s. If so, it’s working.
Speaking of Britney, I wonder what she and Justin did after the parties?
Did anyone see them at Reggie’s?
Unlike Justin, the Backstreet Boys came off slightly ridiculous on the red carpet.
They looked like the Grammy’s long-lost uncles – out of place and clinging to those last five minutes of fame.
Back to the idiots.
Michael Greene, president of the Recording Academy, used his speech to blast file sharing over the Web.
Has he been under a rock?
Did he think people would stop trying to get things for free because some rich, middle-aged white guy is pissed about it?
What a boob.
Speaking of boobs, which pair was bigger: Pam Anderson’s or Jamie Foxx and Ja Rule?
Another boob: T Bone Burnett.
With a name like T Bone, I guess he has something to prove, but what the hell was he talking about?
T Bone was mistakenly accepting his Nobel Prize for literature rather than his Grammy.
After all this, I must give props to the winners and the Grammys in general.
Bob Dylan got robbed, but I was happy to see Grammys awarded to outstanding artists rather than MTV faves.
As bad as some of this year’s moments were, they could have been way worse.
E-mail me your red carpet reviews at [email protected].
Rebekah Monson