Well, I got the magic three, so I’m back in the saddle again.
Mary whatever-her-name-is was pretty ticked off, but fair is fair.
She bids you a fond farewell and hopes that everyone who got their panties in a gigantic, nasty wad because they can’t take a good ribbing get the heck over it.
She has a point. Some people just can’t take a joke.
Ambassadors don’t like it when you make fun of their ultra-hip yellow polos, athletes don’t like it when you knock their polos and greeks don’t like it when you create a fictitious person who acts like that girl in your Spanish class.
Oh well, what’s a humor columnist to do?
I could write a completely politically correct humor column.
That’ll be about as funny as a pack of hemorrhoids.
(Oops! Sorry if I offended any hemorrhoid sufferers out there.)
Or I could just pretend like everyone can act like big boys and girls, pull their thumbs out of their mouths, throw out their blankies and get the heck over it.
Sometimes I really wish I could print f-bombs.
As my esteemed colleague says: “You’d better pull in that bottom lip before a seagull craps on it.”
I’ve got a great idea — I’ll show you how it’s done.
I’ll make fun of myself, and I’ll get over it. It’ll be like a psychological version of Jackass.
That Cuffist is a tubby girl. Some people have six-pack abs — she’s got a keg, if you know what I mean.
And, you know how groady old people smell? She smells like six of ’em.
What a douchebag. She’s one of those dorks who has read every Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter book more than once.
She actually said she wanted to be a wizard — yeah, her and every other repressed 14-year-old boy loser in America.
That girl is such a tool; she has Craftsman tattooed across her left buttcheek.
And that hair! She must comb that mess with a spork.
And she’s one of those … you know … lebanese.
Oh, ouch. I’m so hurt. Don’t stereotype me, please.
I’m so tired of everyone ignoring my 3.6 GPA and talking about my hair. Wah.
OK, I’m over it. See, it’s not so hard.
Now, let’s see how the Ole Miss fans handle it.
Q: How many Ole Miss students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 6 — two to do the “Hotty Toddy” cheer, two to mix the drinks, one to call their Daddy to change the bulb and one to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear while it is changed.
Q: What’s the difference between an Ole Miss fan and God?
A: An Ole Miss fan has more money, and God wears purple and gold.
Q: How do Ole Miss students count their allowances?
A: One thousand, two thousand, three thousand …