My mom taught me when I was young not to talk with my mouth full. She also taught me a really cool trick for setting the table. But dining etiquette for a 4-year-old is quite different from etiquette for a college student or young professional.
Elizabeth Kaufman Hildenbrand, owner of EK Protocol, a consulting firm, laid down these basic rules for dining etiquette.
Open Sesame
Opening doors for women and pulling out chairs at the table is more than acceptable, though not always necessary. A woman should be prepared for this by allowing a few seconds for the guy to open the door and step away from the direction the door opens.
If there are two doors, the man does not need to open both doors. Making the gesture with the first door shows courtesy.
A man can pull out a woman’s chairs when they first reach the table, but it is not necessary every time a woman sits down.
Silver Where?
When you are seated and look at your place setting for the first time, take stock of how it is presented. If the silverware is rolled into the napkin, the polite thing to do is to unwrap the silverware and place it in the correct order: forks on the left, knife on the right and then the spoon.
The trick my mom taught me is the easiest way to remember the correct order of silverware. Make the word FORKS. The F is the fork, the plate is the OR, K is the knife and S is the spoon.
Once you are served, move outward in if there are multiple utensils of one sort. For example, the salad fork, which is generally smaller than a dinner fork, will be to the left of the dinner fork. Even if the forks are the same size, use the one farthest out first.
If there is not any silverware or you drop a utensil during the meal, politely ask your server for a set or replacement.
Napkin or lap warmer?
When you sit down, immediately place your napkin in your lap, even if there is no food on the table.
If you get up during the meal and plan to return, place the napkin in your chair, not on the table.
When the meal is over and everyone is leaving the table, you can finally put your napkin on the table.
Pardon Moi
Politeness is essential to any dining experience. If you have to leave the table, just say “Excuse me.” You do not have to tell anyone why you are leaving the table.
If someone at the table has something in their teeth, the polite and proper thing to do is to tell that person discreetly.
If you are the one with food caught in your teeth, try to remove it discreetly. If you cannot, excuse yourself to the restroom and take care of it there.
Paper or Plastic?
One of the hardest questions asked when dining out is: Who pays that bill?
If you are dining with friends, it is generally not a problem who pays. Most friends split the check, paying for what each ordered.
If you are on a date, the general rule is that the person who asked the other out pays for the meal. It is acceptable for your date to offer to split the check, but they do not have to and should not feel obligated to.
If it is business dinner, the person who gave the invitation usually pays, but each business situation is different, so take your cues from others with you. The same goes for ordering. If someone else invites you to a business dinner, follow them when it comes to ordering food and drinks. Do not order an alcholic drink is no one else does. Also, do not order steak if everyone is ordering sandwiches.
Most importantly, do not get flustered. Staying calm and using common sense can take you through many situations you do not know how to handle. If you are unsure about something, watch how others are handling it.
Hildenbrand said most people are not expected to follow every dining etiquette rule, but making the effort shows courtesy and respect for the people with whom you are dining.