I woke up Tuesday morning wondering what I could write my column about. I had a few interesting ideas but for some reason they did not reach out to me. So, like any person looking for some type of thought-provoking nonsense dealing with sports, I went to one of my more favorite Web sites for a pick-me-up: ESPN.com.
I was dumbfounded when I saw the new and improved look of the site. And I was even more surprised when I found out why the new look was implemented — the new ESPN Motion.
ESPN Motion is a free crystal-clear video featured on ESPN.com’s front page. Anyone can sit in front of their screen and enjoy the sports highlights of the day without any form of buffering.
It has transformed ESPN.com into the world’s first integrated news and video site, requiring only a high-speed connection. So those of you still stuck in the dark ages with a dial-up modem, sorry — this one’s not for you.
Growing up as a young lad, I was told sports would get me nowhere. Sports professions are supposed to be a dead end because those associated with sports, often known as jocks, are not very smart.
Well, to those of you who adopted these sentiments as your own, ha! I ventured to CNN.com to see if this new technology would allow me to check out the thousands of soldiers departing to the Middle East for war, but there was no CNN Motion.
If America were to declare war on Iraq today, I would have to walk all the way to my television before I could watch President George W. Bush get his wish. The news Web sites are not as innovative as the jocks and have not yet come up with something as brilliant as ESPN Motion. Lazy people, like myself, do not think to read an article posted on the Web. We like to watch and listen as someone else does all the work.
And any video on one of the news Web sites would have to be buffered, meaning I would have to sit my worthless behind on the chair for nearly 20 seconds before the video would appear on my screen. The jocks at ESPN.com do not make me wait at all.
One point for the jocks.
Have you ever wondered why jocks get such a bad rap behind closed doors, yet in reality we hold them up on pedestals? One only has to look at the latest presidential election to find an instance where people of this great country enjoy playing “follow the leader” to jocks.
In one corner we had the quintessential dweeb. Al Gore wrote a book using the most “over-your-head” language about how to save the environment. And in the other corner, we had the prototypical jock as Bush walked around his ranch mispronouncing words.
Although the people in this country pride themselves on choosing the right man for the job, many insisted on picking a jock who would look cooler in front of the camera rather than a robot who could talk you to sleep.
Two points for the jocks.
The only negative aspect ESPN Motion donates to the nerds versus jocks argument is it furthers the reputation that jocks do not like to read. With Motion, jocks can simply sit and watch sports on their computer without going through the agony of reading an article.
Through the past few decades jocks have been looked down upon for numerous reasons, and I am here today to bid them a few words of advice.
To all the jocks out there, listen up. Do not let anyone tell you that you are dumb. If they do, be sure to make them aware of who their president is and which Web site first assembled Internet Motion. But please get someone else to speak for you, because you will probably get your words confused.