America is a sound-bite culture. Whether the daily lives of our citizens have become too multi-faceted and overextended to allow for relaxed contemplation, or if we simply just don’t care anymore, is a question to be addressed another day.
The undeniable fact remains, however, that our collective attention span, especially in matters of politics and the public realm, has shrunken considerably. We no longer want epic orations and verbose pronouncements from those who lead us; these days, as an electorate we’re perfectly satisfied with “It’s the economy, stupid.”
So, after two consecutive in-depth examinations of profound subject matter, it’s time to sell-out to the sound-bite culture, if only for a week. For the majority of you readers, sitting on your couches, a pile of Nacho-Cheese Doritos resting on your shirt, thoughts of Tiger football dancing in the head, this will be a refreshing pause.
Unless your Dorito-eating of late has been taking place in a hole, you probably know that the gubernatorial primary is Saturday. In honor of the style-over-substance nature of this race, I’ve compiled a list of my favorite sound-bites about the beast we know as politics. Now, just like the network news, you can just hear the snippets, and make up your mind. Enjoy.
Remember, the sound-bite has many forms. It can be humorous and anonymous – “Politicians are like diapers. They should both be changed frequently and for the same reason” – or it can be painfully obvious who is responsible – “A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.” -Dan Quayle.
There is the satirical sound-bite that is simultaneously witty and true – “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies,” according to Groucho Marx. This, of course, can be contrasted against the satirical sound-bite that is simultaneously nauseating and true – From Otto Von Bismark, “Laws are like sausages. You sleep far better the less you know about how they are made.”
There is P.J. O’Rourke’s cynical, slightly-depressing soundbite, “Politicians are always interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs,” and the Bible’s violent, extremely depressing sound-bite, from Psalms – “Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave, with their tongues they speak deceit.” Yikes.
Speaking of cynicism, we cannot forget cynical sound-bites of the “modern college student-hating” variety, like Allan Bloom’s “Students now arrive at the university ignorant and cynical about our political heritage, lacking the wherewithal to be either inspired by it or seriously critical of it.” Luckily, Lily Tomlin peppers her cynicism with some humor, making it go down slightly easier – “98 percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.”
My favorite category are the “hits way too close to home for LA residents” sound-bites. Courtesy of everyone’s favorite counter-enlightenment theorist and writer, Joseph de Maistre, we learn that “Every nation has the government it deserves.” Does that apply to states, too, Joe? And even more appropriate for the Pelican State is Nikolai Lenin’s offering, “People always have been and they always will be stupid victims of deceit and self-deception in politics.”
Sadly, it’s true. The deceit will continue, the two percent morons will dominate and the fleas will suffocate the dog. Nevertheless, we should play the game – the alternatives are unacceptable.
We can always be motivated by the “optimistic, confidence-building, We Like Ike” sound-bite, courtesy of Mr. Dwight Eisenhower – “Politics ought to be the part-time profession of every citizen who would protect the rights and priveileges of free people and who would preserve what is good and fruitful in our national heritage.”