Some jobs wear on a worker after a day, some wear after a week, and some just never wear.
After a good three semesters, the time to allow others this space has come.
This will be my last column for at least the next year and a half.
I’m leaving the North American continent next year; the Fatherland calls.
When I considered my options for my last column, the possibility of writing a piece on Bush’s evasive maneuvering on Massachusetts’ scorning of its gay-marriage ban weighed heavily on my conscience.
The man will face an outcry for anything he says about the new ruling, and he will have to comment soon.
The ridiculous proposals by Republicans to amend the constitution scream of intolerant ignorance, yet the president whom usually plays puppy-dog to the religious right remains silent.
Why? Why does our Christian-Coalition-president remain silent?
Elections. Grease-ball politicians and elections. Yummy.
But today I will be selfish, and keep my column to my most personal musings.
In my quest for perfection for others and myself, I’ve compiled a list of suggestions for success all should take into consideration.
Though it undoubtedly contains gross and grievous omissions, these nuggets of information will lead you to at least partial happiness. If they don’t, remember that good advice is seldom cheap, and expense is relative.
1. Take care of your body. Get sleep. Don’t forget that drunken binges lasting longer than a day kill brain cells. Mononucleosis and other infections strike those who are least vigilant.
2. Network and make friends. It would be nice for our country’s hiring and employment system to be based on merit alone, but this is usually not the case.
The more people you know, the better chances you have in advancing in society.
3. Don’t forget the power of the smile. Almost everyone is pretty, and smiles are prettier. Those afflicted with cancer of the jaw do not apply.
4. Don’t cheat on your significant other.
This action illustrates a person’s inconsideration for others and will come back to haunt you, especially if you become President of the United States. It also makes you scum.
5. Be optimistic. Things get better. Promise.
6. Go to Europe at least once. Take a foreign language. Your English will improve.
7. Don’t chew tobacco (see #3).
8. Be a good person.
I could ramble on about this for a number of pages, but those reading this probably don’t need this part of the lecture.
9. Be selfish sometimes, but be selfless more often.
10. Don’t use phrases that sound like clichés unless you’re reasonably sure you made them up (see #9).
11. Try to listen to Radiohead, watch Fellini and read James Wright.
Like all good art, the more you experience them, the better they get.
12. “Happiness is a Warm Gun.”
This has been one of those jobs that just doesn’t wear.
The importance is too great to become tiring.
Through the complaints and the e-mails and the derisive mockery, I believe I have represented a segment of LSU faithfully.
Throughout the course of my semesters, I hoped to serve as a thoughtful balance to LSU’s opinionated and vocal conservative majority.
If I have failed in my duty to my community, I apologize. Regardless, it’s been a fascinating experience.
Thank you.