Dear Tim,
Who do you think I should vote for in the Democratic primary? I can’t seem to pick one. “DEMOCRAT IN QUESTION”
Dear “FELLOW DONKEY,”
This is a good question, my first political question all semester. Anyway, I see it a few ways. Since Kerry most likely will be the Democratic nominee, I choose not to waste my time wondering who will win the primary.
Instead, I have been focusing my efforts on the political “x” factors still present in the Democratic run for the White House. I am wondering who should be Kerry’s running mate, who will sit in his cabinet and, of course, who the press secretary will be. I think Edwards would make a fine complement to Kerry as a vice presidential candidate. I also have heard rumblings that Louisiana’s own Mary Landrieu is a possibility. But, most importantly, I focus on the third “x” factor — the press secretary. As a journalist, I think it would be in the country’s best interest to force Al Sharpton into this position. In my opinion, he would be a terrible president. But, he has been a force to be reckoned with during many of the Democratic debates. He has demanded the spotlight and managed to make people laugh during the process. He is funny, quasi-intelligent and has been the only consistent candidate to stress the importance of making the Democratic PARTY stronger — not just one Democratic presidential candidate. Anyway, I think Sharpton would be a great press secretary and I think I would put my faith in Kerry as the Democratic presidential candidate. Plus, how funny would it be for Sharpton to get up and start preaching to the journalists at all of the press conferences?
Dear Tim,
I have a huge problem. The other day, while I was hunting for some squirrels to barbecue up for dinner, my 4×4 got stuck. I have 33-inch Buck Shot Mudders on it now. Do you think that I should go for the 42-inch Super Swamper Rout so I know my truck can go through anything but spend $1,300, or should I just go for some 35-inch TSLs which are cheaper, but not as big so my truck won’t get stuck anymore while I hunt for my supper?
P.S. do you know of any other ways to cook a squirrel besides barbecued? “MAD IN THE MUD”
Dear MAD IN THE MUD,
Don’t worry, I have all your answers. First, the squirrel. I like my squirrel deep fried and covered in gravy — like chicken fried steak. For other ideas, please refer to the movie Forrest Gump and fast forward to Bubba’s explanation of shrimp dishes. Feel free to replace shrimp with squirrel. On to the tire problem. I have a 4×4 truck and I have never gotten stuck before in my life. Quick hint: There isn’t that much mud on the road. If you stay on the road, you won’t get stuck. However, if you must drive off-road, then I suggest 42-inch Super Swamper Routs. Put a lift on your truck and make sure you have tons of extra gas money. Those tires are pretty freakin’ big. It is going to significantly lower your gas mileage. But, think of all the squirrels you will run over. You may actually save some money on ammo. Good luck.
2 Cents
March 8, 2004