Hey, Spring Testers, I know it’s gonna be hard, but let’s try not to die today. (i.e. hit and runs or Captain Morgan)
That’s all I’m saying.
So, I can’t write about what I want to write about because my editors believe it would be too offensive.
Don’t get me wrong; I like my editors.
They are of a very intellectual and ethical breed.
I, on the other hand, am not.
So F*** off!
I didn’t mean that… I’m on a lot of drugs.
Anywho, I was in the woods last night wearing my yellow and red clown suit like usual, when this big wolf walked in front of my path and confronted me.
I pissed myself, but you couldn’t tell because the clown suit had a hoola-hoop thing stitched in the waist to make me look fat and jolly — funny, my jogging suit has the same effect.
Well anyway, the beast just stood there with drool dripping from his railroad spike fangs, eyeing me maliciously.
LIGHT BULB!
I just remembered I had a t-bone in my pants, and I thought maybe I could temp the wolf with a nice piece of raw meat.
Then I remembered it was in the front of my pants, and I had just urinated on it.
It’s worth a shot.
I reached in my pants. I could tell the wolf was getting nervous.
I pulled out the slab of beef and tossed it at his enormous paws.
“It smells like someone peed on it,” he said.
“No it doesn’t.”
“Yes it does,” he replied, “I’m a wolf. I know what pee smells like.”
“Well OK, maybe a little, but it’s not a lot… much… or anything. (Gulp)”
“No, no. It’s a whole lotta piss.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Then there was a minute or two of awkward silence.
And out of the blue, the woods lit up in an amazing pyrotechnic blaze, and the air thundered with the sounds of Duran Duran.
“Straddle the line, in discord and rhyme / I’m on the hunt I’m after you / Mouth is alive with juices like wine / And I’m hungry like the wolf.”
The wolf began to circle me.
I knew I was in danger, but that song gets me every time.
I threw out my best air guitar, and shredded along with the amazing hook.
I was on fire. I was an air-rock god.
The beast knew he was no match for me, and ran away with his tail between his legs.
And I rocked on all night long… “and I’m hungry like the wolf.”
Anywho, I’d like to throw a shout out to my “A #1 stunna” Brad Golson.
Congrats friend; now get to work.