University students Daniel Fortier and his girlfriend Sara Cook have been dating for two years and have talked about marriage. But for Fortier, a Catholic, and Cook, a Baptist, the union will be no honeymoon.
For now, the couple attend their separate church services together and plan to continue this practice after they get married, but their main problem is satisfying their parents, whose beliefs, as Fortier describes them, are “180 degrees from each other.”
Fortier said that both sets of parents are adamant about knowing how the couple will raise their children. He feels the stress of trying to please both sets of parents because “in the Catholic vows, you have to promise to raise your kids in the Catholic religion to the best of your ability.”
Fortier is not concerned about the division of religion.
“We both devoutly believe in God and want our kids to believe, but actual denomination isn’t important to us,” Fortier said.
Fortier and Cook are part of the growing population of interfaith relationships.
Though some conservative religious groups still oppose interfaith unions, there is a growing cultural acceptance of religious difference.
Relationships bring two people together, but in some cases they can also divide families.
Fortier and Cook plan to keep attending the two churches, and Fortier said they will let their children choose their religion.
Counseling can help couples like Fortier and Cook with religious conflicts straighten out their beliefs.
Rabbi Barry Weinstein of the B’nai Israel Synagogue in Baton Rouge said that he counsels couples on every aspect of their relationship that is not in agreement to make sure they are on the same path in their “spiritual walk.”
Weinstein said many couples begin to cry when they realize that he is willing to counsel them through their religious differences.
“These couples are overwhelmed that there is someone that will make accommodation,” Weinstein said. “Some clergymen and family members make it clear that they do not approve.”
Weinstein said that he discusses each person’s individual background, each couple’s feelings toward each other, family and how family members view the prospective marriage.
“I encourage the couple to continue their relationships with both their Jewish and non-Jewish family members,” Weinstein said.
Weinstein said that he has worked together with many members of religious authority to blend both Jewish traditions and the traditions of the other religion into the wedding ceremony.
“I have a standard sermon that I edit, let the other minister edit and then let the couples also edit it,” Weinstein said. “These couples are sensitive to getting every word crafted to not offend either Jewish or Christian [relatives].”
Weinstein embraces the diversity that interfaith relationships bring.
“We have an open society — I don’t want to turn the clock back where Jews are a separate part of the community,” Weinstein said. “Diversity is important because it helps improve relationships between Jews and non-Jews. It helps counter anti-semitism.”
Interfaith marriages are increasing as a result of increased acceptance of faith and culture.
In 1990, The Jewish Outreach Institute conducted a survey called “Intermarriage and the Attitudes of American Jewish Leadership.” The survey sent questionnaires to 8,000 American Jewish leaders and 1,000 “typical” American Jews and included participants from all three major Jewish sects — the Orthodox, Conservative and Reform.
Participants completed questionnaires that addressed the rising rate of Jewish intermarriage in the United States and how to respond to the increase. The questions included real-life dilemmas such as whether or not to accept an intermarriage, Gentile spouses or immediate family members and what to do when raising children in an interfaith marriage.
The statistics affirmed the increasing acceptance in the Jewish community of other religions.
The study showed that “if confronted with the choice between marrying a Gentile whom they were in love with or foregoing that marriage in order to avoid intermarrying,” 74 percent of respondents would “advise a Jewish young man or woman in their mid-30s to marry.”
The survey concluded that “more than 80 percent of respondents would like the organized Jewish community to devote more resources for programs of outreach that could help intermarried families become a part of the community.”
Weinstein said that 65 to 70 percent of Jewish couples throughout the world are interfaith couples, and interfaith couples are usually very active in the community.
For Esther Sasche, her conversion to Judaism — her husband’s religion — was gradual.
Sasche said she first became interested in the Jewish religion because her husband is Jewish and she always has attended Jewish services.
“We began attending the holiday services,” Sasche said. “After awhile, I felt like the music and traditions had become part of me.”
Sasche said she and her husband began attending services more regularly when they had “settled down” and had children, whom they are raising in the Jewish faith. At a recent Sabbath worship service at the B’nai Israel Synagogue with Rabbi Weinstein, Sasche and her husband had an active role in the service, helping the rabbi display the Torah to the congregation.
A product of an interfaith marriage, LSU training and development sophomore Parker Jenkins said his parents’ willingness to compromise for their children helped him become stronger in his faith.
Jenkins’ father is Baptist and his mother was Catholic, but converted to become Baptist. Jenkins said he admires how his parents worked out their differences to successfully marry and raise children.
Jenkins’ parents “set a foundation” of core beliefs to balance out their religious differences and decided that Jenkins would be raised Baptist.
“When you’re married, you become one, but you’re still two different people,” Jenkins said. “You have to serve Christ as one,
though you come from two different churches.”