Valentine’s Day — Wow, what a special day. Girls and guys can shower each other with massive amounts of chocolate, flowers, and cheap lovey dovey trinkets.
Now I suppose that some would find comfort in a celebration of love and relationships, but when mom comes up to me with a plastic heart filled with Skittles and says that she’ll be my Valentine if no one else will, my belief in this occasion quickly deteriorates.
While it may be absolutely peachy for those who are looking forward to a day filled with gifts and smooches, it’s no more than an opportunity for me to tune in to another rousing episode of “The Man Show” and revel in thoughts of my stagnant love life.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’d look forward to scoring brownie points with a special lady as much as the next lovehound, but do we really need a day celebrating it? I can’t help but mention the countless conversations I’ve overheard in which a girl will be bantering on about how “He’d better not do this for Valentine’s Day” or “I hate when he did that last year.” That seems a little intimidating to me.
There is a corrupt elusive criminal body at work here to tarnish the true meaning of the day and to turn it into another materialistic holiday.
Women, you have been exposed. Keep in mind, ladies, that there would be no Valentine’s Day if a man hadn’t started it. The tradition has “He better not get me any of those stupid teddy bears, candy, or flowers! I want something nice!”
Allow me to take this celebration off of its overwhelming female focus and paint a picture of a guy’s ideal Valentine’s day.
On my ideal day, I’ll walk into my apartment to see that special lady putting the finishing touches on a delicious steak feast. Upon my entry, she’ll say “Oh baby! I’ve been wanting to see you all day!” At that point she’ll tackle me with a tirade of sweet lovin’.
As we sit down for our Valentine’s Day feast, she’ll say, “Baby, I was hoping that tonight we could have a little Valentine’s Day film festival. It’ll be so much fun. How does ‘Freddy vs. Jason’ sound? Anything but Tom Hanks or Meg Ryan, I can’t stand them. Also, I haven’t seen the Paris Hilton sex tape, can we watch that too? I’m looking for pointers.”
After our feast and delightful film fest, she’ll cap off my V-Day with the latest ensembles from Victoria’s Secret.
Ladies, does that sound like a terribly difficult proposal? It would be so nice to take a break from the traditional Valentine look and embrace the 21st Century.
Well, while guys like me can keep dreaming about such a day, I’m looking forward to taking the money not spent on roses or Russell Stover and catching a macho-action flick after a delicious supper from Jack In the Box.