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So I was going to use today”s article to chronicle the life and times of John The Bald, but instead I”m going to give you a rundown of the six finalists competing for the ultimate prize — a date with me.
Anywho, here they are, in no particular order other than alphabetical:
Cindy Burckel
She said she”s never been on a blind date before, and judging by the picture I see why.
Umm, my sweet Aphrodite.
She also said she liked to talk a lot. This could prove to be detrimental.
I really don”t like women who talk, because usually they just say, ‘Hey, Jay, we”re friends right?’
I”m joking (not about the friend thing, but about the women talking thing), I really do enjoy listening to women, especially hot women — wow, that”s gonna come off as shallow.
Anywho, I”m definitely attracted to the whole Greek goddess thing she”s got going on.
Best of luck, Cindy.
Nicole Chandler
Nicole actually said on her application that I had a chiseled physique.
Well Nicole you are absolutely right, it is chiseled … and rounded off.
She also said that her biggest asset was her mind.
A few might disagree, but I say why not.
After all, I don”t exactly turn any heads, but with my enormous wit and girthy charm I can pretty much slide my way into the life of any woman I choose.
However, you are a very attractive woman and have a self-proclaimed good personality — double threat.
Megan Daigle
I will have to say she is a very persistent girl, and I”ll just have to leave that at that.
She seems to share some of my most beloved pastimes, such as eating donuts and prank calling people.
Megan also recruited some of my closest friends to lobby her vote.
It scares me a little to know that she took the effort to seek out friends of mine, but I can”t say I have never done the same.
All in all she seems to have a great personality on top of being quite attractive.
Brittany May
Other than writing her entire application essay in a couplet rhyme scheme, she also has every one of my columns hanging up on her wall, which she cleverly used as the backdrop for her entry photograph.
I”m flattered.
She is also a master of Snoop Dogg shizzlation, and her favorite band is Queen.
Also a very cute girl, and seems to have a knack for making faces in front of the camera as do I.
However, I must admit the whole columns on the wall thing kind of scared me as well as the Director of Student Media.
They don”t want me to be the next Selena — besides, I don”t even have copies of my columns.
Heather Saunders
She decided to enter the contest because of one of my columns — the quitting smoking column.
Even though I didn”t really quit smoking, I”m glad you could relate.
She is also a new student here at LSU, after just recently transferring from Nicholls.
It just goes to show you that it”s never too late to repent.
She again is also a very attractive young frau, and I wouldn”t mind it terribly if she won.
I”m not picking any favorites, I”m just simply saying I wouldn”t mind.
Rachel Sherburne
Some of you might know Rachel as your Homecoming Queen, but I know her as only a darling young woman who desperately wants to share an evening with yours truly.
That and I”m sure she knows that being Miss Off the Cuff would most definitely be her biggest collegiate accomplishment.
I mean really, anybody can be LSU Homecoming Queen.
She says she ‘laughs to laugh’ and that ‘I crack her up,’ but she also said she was ‘no sugar momma’– that”s not exactly going to help you, Rachel.
However, given your current status and your hot picture I decided to push you through to the finals.
Well, there they are as I see them. All six seem to have great personalities and are all very attractive, but who is right for me?
It”s all in your hands now voters. So please go to www.lsureveille.com and place your vote for the very first Miss Off The Cuff.
The voting deadline is midnight tonight so please cast your vote.
This could be the most important decision you ever have the right to make — God knows it”s more important than the presidential primaries.