I’m embracing this semester, and everything that comes with it, even the cringeworthy and nerve-wracking aspects. “Doing it scared” has been my motto this past summer. I rarely stayed home and now I’m back to slumming it on campus, nine to five, all day, every day. As my fun summer ended, I started to feel an emotion I hadn’t felt about the first day in a while; I was nervous.

I knew that as my first week back, it was so important for me to talk about this, as I often feel quite alone when it comes to nerves. Because, no matter what year you are, everyone’s the new kid. Seniors are no different than the ever-increasing number of freshmen.

I know that everyone has internal conflicts. But, it kind of seems as though everyone around me works really well at keeping it undercover, a nod to our late great Disney years, aka “K.C. Undercover.”

Every year on the first day, it never fails, I get butterflies the night before the first day of classes. I go over my schedule and think about how I’ll look walking into class. The pressure of “who will I sit by?” “Will I, unfortunately, suffer through small talk?” The list is never-ending, a catalog of everything that could possibly go wrong. I was even nervous going back to work. With peers I’ve grown with as a student and employee for years now. A place with formal guidelines and a script to perform, I was nervous to show up.

I felt pressured by the expectations of seeing friends I haven’t seen in a while. Worrying about keeping up with the person they knew from before summer vacation. It’s all so unrealistic. Going back home after an entire school year, getting reacclimated in your hometown and your past behavior. We all slip into old habits, after all, we’re all humans trying to navigate the best way to present ourselves in our communities.

Some people are completely different in public than in private. I used to be a believer in first impressions. Maybe now, not so much. I’ve been in classes with hundreds of different people. We’re constantly reminded to act appropriately in classrooms, but maybe that holds people back from their true expression. You can’t always take initial behavior at face value.

A friend asked me if we were still doing the same song and dance of icebreakers in classrooms. When our teachers want us to go around the room and introduce ourselves. Which is where I discovered fight or flight. My heart is going a million miles per second, and then the person before me finishes, it’s my turn now and my mouth’s moving faster than my brain. The stutter is real. But, ultimately, everyone feels the exact same way. Maybe a bit dramatic, I’ll admit, but I’ve never claimed to have much chill.

Nevertheless, I’ve lived with this impending need to express to others that your vulnerability is powerful. Take control of the nervous energy. Live in your truth and be weird on the first day. Say something original in your icebreaker. First days are not the equivalent of first impressions.

Blair Bernard is a 21-year-old theatre major from Lafayette, La.