Microsoft today announced the newest version of its Windows operating system Windows 10 for desktops, laptops, tablets, phones, phablets, tables, and computer-TVs. The Funyon takes a look at some of the top 10 features you’ll expect to find in Windows 10 when it’s released sometime in 2015.
1. Cortana the Therapist?
Microsoft’s Cortana has been a highly praised competitor to Apple’s Siri, and she’s making her big debut on the desktop. She’s even got some new tricks up her sleeve including the ability to dispense advise like a Rogerian therapist. Having girl problems? Hear such thoughtful insights such as “Hmm… I see” or “How does that make you feel?”. 
 Note: Not intended for any real mental health issues besides your early-20s existential crisis.
2. Hololens Makes Your World Less Boring
You ever wish you could bend the laws of physics? Has the concept of reality become too bland? Microsoft’s new Hololens AR goggle system is meant to transform your world into one that isn’t completely dull. While there are tons of new features to explore with the new pair of specs, we can’t wait to test out the new virtual 3D babes who’ll pretend they actually like us.
3. We put Xbox in your Xbox so you can Xbox while you Xbox
Xbox 360 was an unmitigated success in the gaming world. Xbox One? Not so much. With its initially entry price point, the console hasn’t had as much success as the PlayStation 4. Microsoft is looking to change all that with it’s new streaming option between Xbox and Windows 10. You can stream games wherever you are between the two, forever sealing your fate as a lonely gaming nerd.
 *We apologize for the last sentence because it’s still about ethics in video game journalism, you know?
4. Universal Apps
If you ever made the mistake of purchasing a Windows Phone device, you know that the app selection isn’t so great. Microsoft is looking to change that with universal, multi-device apps that look to expand your app library on all of your Windows devices. So maybe you can actually send nudes using an official Snapchat app in the future.
5. The Project Spartan Browser
The internet browser space is a highly competitive sector with multiple contenders, but that’s only important if you’re a nerd. While Microsoft hasn’t exactly been lauded for their work in internet browsers, their “Project Spartan” browser aims to bring modern conveniences and extensive social sharing to Windows 10. It’s never been easier to accidentally share your disgusting yuri hentai collection with your dad. 
6. Continuum
Completely out of left field, Microsoft has decided to include a full, free version of John Mayer’s 2006 album Continuum with each and every new copy of Windows 10. Hopefully this move is easier to swallow than Bono sliding up into all of our iClouds.
7. New, Refined Settings Panel
It’s easier than ever before to change all of your settings in Windows 10. Quick access to Uninstall Programs lets you quickly and efficiently remove porn-site malware from your system while the reset option lets you clean your computer in one fell swoop so you can sell it on eBay and get a Mac.
8. It’s Free!
Windows Phone users have been enjoying free upgrades for years (literally, they’re still waiting for upgrades) while regular Windows customers usually just upgrade when they buy a new computer. However, Microsoft hopes to change that with free system upgrades that will be available…. soon.
9. A Big Ol’ TV
Microsoft also announced the “Surface Hub”, an 84″ television set with the brains of a computer inside. Designed to productivity, presentations, and fostering professional coworker relationships, the Surface Hub will instead be used for playing Xbox games as most of its users will realize that’s it’s easier to just use a dry erase board.
10. A New Start Menu
Yes! Thank God! No longer do you have to use some ridiculous full screen menu just to open apps. Finally, you can navigate Windows like a person should! The desktop is back, baby! It’s the one thing Microsoft stole from Apple that we can finally agree to.

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