It is with both joy and trepidation that I face the imminent re-opening of Gumby’s Pizza. It is not the pizza itself, nor the wings or subs that send tingles of happiness and fear down my spine. It’s the Pokey Stix.

I write this as a cautious warning to the freshman who have not experienced a Pokey Stick before. Pokey Stix are collegiate man’s most perfect food, better even than ramen noodles or SpaghettiO’s. But before you run out an order your first Extra large Pokey Stix (20 inches of pure bliss), I feel compelled to tell you: with such greatness comes great responsibility on your part.

You see, as a freshman at UNC-Chapel Hill, where I started my college career, I quickly grew tired of dining hall food and dining hall hours. I searched for a replacement and found Gumby’s Pokey Stix. Greasy, garlicky and only just cheesy enough, they were everything the cafeteria wasn’t. They were delicious for dinner, a midnight snack or breakfast. They lasted for a week in my mini-fridge, and even for a couple days in the box lying on my dorm room floor. They came with two sauces – marinara and ranch! They made cheap beer taste better and, best of all, I could have Pokey Stix almost any time of any day that I wanted some.

Unfortunately, by the end of my first year I’d gained seven pounds. It didn’t stop me.

Sophomore year I finally became wise to the “Dorm Deal” and the Monday and Wednesday Pokey Stix special that was posted online. My roommate and I rejoiced. A large Pokey Stix for just $5 was unheard of! I finally caved and entered the Chapel Hill Gumby’s phone number into my cell phone. It was a decidedly shameful moment, but an action I’d never regret.

I gained a couple more pounds. So did my roommate. We chalked it off to “slowing metabolisms” and “getting older.”

Then I came to N.C. State. I knew there was a Gumby’s here. I knew that I could feed my addiction at any time. But before I could act, I heard that their sanitation grade was scary low. Then they closed. It was a shock. I felt like a baby whose pacifier was taken away, like a crack addict with no crack, like a gamer with no internet connection.

It was a painful adjustment, and one I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Which is why I encourage those who have not experienced the Pokey Stick to do so carefully. Be forewarned that you will die with happiness upon first bite. You will not eat just one. You will learn to ask for extra ranch dressing. And at the least convenient moment you’ll call in and the Gumby’s people won’t have time to get your order or they’ll close down unexpectedly or you’ll gain ten pounds. Don’t be afraid to try them though, just order with care. Pace yourself. Maybe weigh yourself before and after, too.

It’s been a year since I’ve had a Pokey Stick. Despite my troubles, it’s been too long.

E-mail Taylor your Pokey Stix blues to [email protected].