It was ladies’ night at MTV’s 27th annual Video Music Awards on Sunday.
The show was hosted by a woman — comedian Chelsea Handler — for the first time since 2007. But in reality, it was just one Lady’s night.
Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah rejoice, little monsters! Lady Gaga’s record-setting 13 nominations resulted in eight victories — and almost as many outlandish outfit changes. You gotta love Gaga.
But even if you weren’t technically of the female persuasion, you could still have a breakout moment at the VMAs. All you had to do was look — and sound — like a girl. As evidenced by the winner of this year’s Best New Artist award, the effeminate, baby-faced fate of the music industry is Justin Bieber.
I weep for the future.
This kid is living proof that agents — not talent — spawn a superstar.
The 16-year-old heartthrob (I use the term loosely) is barely old enough to audition for “American Idol,” but apparently someone told him he had the experience and authority to produce whole albums about romance.
This same ill-placed endorsement has led to the year of the Bieber: a Proactiv anti-acne commercial campaign (at least it’s age-appropriate), an upcoming guest role on “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation,” as well as a memoir and a biopic about the young singer due out next year.
Yes, you read those last two bits correctly. If you thought it took major struggles and lifelong achievement to have your story documented in pop culture, Justin Bieber is on a mission to prove you wrong.
What success really requires these days is a parent willing to broadcast your amateur performances all over YouTube until a record label executive affiliated with Usher picks you up.
And that’s a fact Bieber never fails to mention via constant name-dropping of his R&B mentor in the rare moments when he’s not chaperoned by Usher himself.
The hip-hop influence is glaring — not in Bieber’s melodies (except for “Baby,” featuring Ludacris), but in his wannabe-gangster dress style and manner of speaking in interviews.
This superficial punk persona doesn’t exactly suit a Canadian often mistaken for a 13-year-old girl.
“Bieber fever” is just the
latest instance in a sick trend plaguing the music industry: too many young artists singing love ballads long before they hit puberty.
What’s worse, in an age where celebrities’ social networking accounts are increasingly uncensored by publicists, Bieber’s coming-of-age growing pains go on display for the whole world to read and follow.
It hasn’t gone well for him: Justin Bieber suffers more online tantrums than the throngs of screaming young girls in his audience. His most recent juvenile faux pas include complaining about his drop from Twitter’s hot topic list and posting an enemy’s phone number as his own.
And according to the website’s statistics, Bieber occupies about 3 percent of “tweet traffic” at any given moment. No wonder the site is always crashing. Please, someone take this narcissistic, spoiled diva’s Twitter away.
Of course, he’s not the only singer unleashing his every thought into the Twitterverse. Over the past year, Kanye West has given Bieber’s digital blabbermouth reputation a run for its money — a trait on which the VMAs’ producers have capitalized.
In fact, I firmly believe West’s show-closing “toast to the douchebags” of pop culture was dedicated in part to Bieber.
Congratulations — you’re gonna go far, kid.
Kelly Hotard is a 19-year-old mass communication sophomore from Picayune, Miss. Follow her on Twitter @TDR_khotard.
 
 
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