It’s known as “Real World Perkins” or the “House of Shade” – or for the lucky few, it’s known as home.
It boasts a cork dart board, seven couches and a professional PA system used solely for karaoke.
This, of course, is my house. For those of you wondering, it didn’t quite work with out Mike V and I, and my roommates welcomed me back with open arms.
In my home lives Brad Golson – you may know him as President Golson, Supervisor Golson or Homecoming King Golson – I just know him as J.B.
Welcome to the fabulous life of King Golson. When he moved in, he wanted the smallest bedroom, which used to be the utility closet. He of course pays less rent for his “inconvenience.” He sleeps in a twin bed. And though this campus juggernaut puts on his pants one leg at a time, he puts on his pants in my room, because he doesn’t have enough space in his.
He sings “Leaving on a Jet Plane” in the microphone and has a hilariously serious case of narcolepsy.
Judge Chester the Molester lives in the west wing of our home. He too is pretty presidential. He’s got a beer fridge in the game room and a private bathroom with no doors.
I don’t see Hester that much these days. He’s too busy furthering his education across the Parade Ground.
He’s pretty good for laughing whenever I mess with Brad while he’s sleeping. And his decanter of scotch always has enough for a glass for me.
He also eggs me on to do stupid things, like run up and down Perkins in a spandex speed suit, or try to pet a raccoon, or pee my pants while standing in the shower.
Then there’s Jon the Bald. The poor kid started to loose his hair when he hit puberty, and he’s rarely see without a hat.
No one really knows where the Bald sleeps at night, but we all know where he sleeps during the day.
About the time Golson’s coming home to change into his evening suit, Jon is just emerging from his room.
We think he might be at a place called Schneider’s. Not sure what, where, or who that is, but all Jon ever really says to us is, “I’m going to Schneider’s.”
So those are my roomies, but there is someone else I’d have to mention if writing about people I live with. That person is known only as the 5th man. The 5th man has a pretty large voice at Real World Perkins.
So with the fabulous life of Brad Golson, the political greatness of Judge Chester, the legend of Jon the Bald, the mystery of the 5th man and me, Real World Perkins never gets too boring.