Things were just getting out of control with my roommates. Brad stopped doing my laundry, Chris said he wasn’t going to pay my bills anymore and Jon the Bald wanted me to pay him back.
I can’t live like this. So this weekend, I moved out of “Real World Perkins” (my house) and into Mike V’s new habitat.
Of course Mike kept the master suite on the first floor of the tower, but I’ve got some pretty decent digs on the second story.
Now granted, I’ve only lived there a few days, but so far, Mike is the best roommate I’ve ever had.
He keeps mostly to himself and is fairly clean.
He’s one hell of a boo-ray player, and he ain’t that bad with the ladies.
Anywho, life at the habitat is awesome. Yesterday, Mike and I took a swim as some kids watched us through the looking glass.
It was a little weird being watched while you bathe, but Mike assures me I’ll get used to it.
I’ll tell you, one thing that’s going to take time getting used to is the raw meat. Don’t get me wrong, I am a fan of tartar and California rolls, but raw flesh is something entirely different.
Saturday night we had a victory party and Mike invited some of the crew from the B.R. Zoo over for some cheese, wine and karaoke. Those cats are crazy.
Things haven’t all been fun and games, though.
Mike and I had our first roommate tiff of sorts last night. I was smoking in my room and Mike didn’t like it very much.
When I told him I pay rent just like he does, he bit my hand off.
We made up, of course, and luckily, he had a tourniquet on hand. Well, on my hand – or lack of.
He felt bad about it, but he ate my hand all the same.
You know, I’m not mad at him for it. After all, he is kind wild animal.
He’s soft, though, and warm.
Sometimes, we cuddle. It’s purely platonic. I mean most of the time it’s Mike who wants to; I mean, how do you argue with a Bengal tiger?
He licks my face – he says it’s a sign of affection; I say it’s sticky.
The vet tells me Mike doesn’t have much of a libido, but I tell you it gets a little awkward, sometimes.
But all in all – I think I’m going to really like it here.
Jay is a recently retired hand model. Contact him at [email protected]