Happy Halloween to all you readers of today’s Reveille. I hope you’re all properly dressed for the occasion, although I wouldn’t recommend walking around with the giant axe in your head until classes are over, as it tends to obstruct the view of those behind you. Personally, I’ll be celebrating Halloween in the same way I spend all my holidays, soberly reflecting on another year gone by, the thoughts of my childhood trick or treating, and trying to do a sixty second keg stand.
Since Halloween is such a scary time of year, I can think of no better time than to return to what I first wrote about way back in August – the War in Iraq. Here we are on the last day of October and the war, supposedly having ended on May Day, has now taken more American lives than during the initial campaign to Baghdad. The coalition itself has now lost over 400 soldiers, although our loses are small compared to those of the Iraqis, who lost up to 15,000 total (including between 3,200 and 4,300 civilians, according to the Manchester Guardian). While a good deal of the country is pacified (although a bomb blast three weeks ago in relatively quiet Basra is indicative of a veneer of calm in those regions,) areas such as the “Sunni Triangle” continue to be kill-zones for American soldiers.
So, now that we’re almost in November what have we learned about Iraq? Well for one, Saddam Hussein is about as illusive as Elvis, D.B. Cooper, and the Sasquatch, the weapons of mass destruction were more fictitious than Kevin Spacey’s story in the Usual Suspects, and George Bush is about to follow his father (that is if the democrats could at least find a half way decent platform to run under).
We invaded Iraq based on the lie that they were a clear and present danger to the United States, able to launch nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons at us. During the war they could barely launch a scud missile, let alone launch an ICBM. Indeed, the war itself, the “official” war, was over in a relatively short time with relatively small loses.
What’s happening now feels like someone put razor blades in our candy apples.
Whose fault is this? The blame must be put squarely on the shoulders of George Bush and the Neo-Conservatives around him (a truly frightening bunch of ghouls that even chainsaw armed Bruce Campbell might think twice about taking on). Our military was used in Iraq in order to bring about the
first step in their desire to make the Middle East safe for Exxon. This is what happens when a bunch of theorists get control of the foreign policy of a country and are allowed to enact their will.
None of this can be used to take away from the bravery of our soldiers in Iraq, as most of them continue to do their best in a war that seems to be unwinnable. Still, on this day I cannot be entirely somber. Therefore, I will now list the top five Iraq War inspired costumes.
1. Flight Suit George W. Bush: Parade around like Douglas MacArthur while accomplishing nothing. (Especially for the priviledged never do well who has everything already.)
2. Ghost of Saddam Hussein: Dress as the world’s most famous fugitive dictator. Guaranteed to frighten all the Kurdish children in the neighborhood. (May or may not come with anthrax.)
3. Christian Crusader General Boykin: Comes with plastic M16 rifle and survival pack including five Bibles for converting the heathen. The perfect Halloween outfit for Baptist kids whose parents probably don’t let them celebrate Halloween anyway.
4. Tony Blair Lackey Costume: A perfect costume for every school yard toadie. Comes with Union Jack shirt, fake “British” teeth, and knee pads.
5. Uday Hussein Mask: Frighten everyone on your street with this grotesque death mask. Comes complete with missing eye socket and genuine .308 bullet holes. Fun for the whole family.
Well, that’s it. I’m off to go trick or treating. Just remember, stay off the road, don’t believe the man who says he has candy in the back of his van, and, lastly, “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.”