With Anna Byars
Dear Cuff Readers,
Because of the recent upset over my column, I have decided to resign in hopes of allowing a more boring person to take over Cuff.
Just kidding. Forget about it. Iíll be here for a while. Hereís the deal: if you donít like the column, youíre not required to read it. Period. I refuse to incorporate the whole ìfreedom of speechî thing into this, so I wonít. Just remember, you have the freedom not to read what I write. Gee whiz, canít we all just get along?
One more thing on this topic: I realize that every now and then I get a little heavy-handed (not with my politics, I have no problem with my politics, of course). But every now and then I go forth with information that I hold to be factual, which is not always so. Iíll do my best to ensure that the volatile material I present in this forum is based on current and updated facts. My politics you may just have to deal with (or not deal with, as stated above).
Oh, and one more thing: I drive an Echo. It gets 36 miles to the gallon.
In other news, the oldest person in the world is 116 years old. Thatís gross. Does anyone really want to live that long? I think itís adorable that she managed to stay awake for her birthday party this year, though.
I hope that if Iím alive when Iím 116 that itís because of some amazing medical technology that has allowed me to be both gorgeous and awake for more than three hours a day.
Can you imagine how freaking annoying you would be if you were that old? How many boring stories could someone tell after being alive for so long?
Personally, I think this whole ìoldest lady is 116î thing is a hoax. Apparently, her survival is credited to the love that her family has provided her. Ha! For 116 years?! Are they out of their minds? I donít think I could get along with anyone for more than a hundred years.
No, I think sheís really just some old goon that smoked too much and only looks like a dinosaur. Sheís probably only 52. Worse yet, what if thereís some other old person in the world whoís 115 and this ladyís really only 110 and sheís really competitive and lied about her age?
This world is full of gruesome things, but I believe that the thought of two wrinkled-beyond-all-recognition centenarians going head to head, sudden death style, over whoís the oldest is the most disturbing.
And whatís the big deal about being that old anyway? All your friends are dead and youíve probably outlived 37 spouses.
The cutest part of all of this is that she provided the entertainment for her guests (116 and they still wonít hire a DJ for her birthday party … now thatís just sad). She sat up in bed and sang a song for those present. Thatís what I call hideous and cute. She probably wasnít even singing.
She was probably begging everyone to leave so she could die, but they just thought she was singing because sheís so old that her vocal chords donít work anymore.
Kamato Hongo, youíre a brave, brave soul. We all hope you not only live to see your next birthday, but that youíre awake to enjoy it.