Freshman year.
You cart all your stuff to State U, try to be as emotionally distressed as your parents are when they tell you goodbye (when all you can think is (I’M FINALLY FREE!!!!), and move into your first home-away-from-home. Then you check out your brand new dorm room, only to realize it is the size of J Lo’s dog’s linen closet.
After a day of unpacking and finding relics of roommates past (old pizza crusts, dirty notes scrawled in permanent marker on the doors, etc.) you retire to bed only to find you are a mere two feet away from your new roommate and his/her significant other, who apparently are just as excited as you to be out from under the watchful gaze of their parents.
By the end of first semester, you are counting down the days until May when you will (hopefully) emerge victorious from that square pile of cinder blocks with minimal injuries from the meningitis you contracted from the shower stalls.
While many freshmen have these (and worse) horror stories to tell, some still return for more years of on-campus living. “Why? Why would anyone willingly subject themselves to the torture that is dorm life?” you may be wondering, as you luxuriate in your lavish apartment.
As far as I can discern, it is some mixture of convenience and eccentric affinity for the “authentic” college experience that causes these rare creatures to prefer the on campus life. I personally prefer the on-campus experience as well, and I am assuming the role of spokesperson for this unheard and misunderstood minority.
These “crazy” reslife-ers may actually have it right…now, hear me out for a second.
They roll out of bed four minutes before class and still have time to brush their teeth. The thought of risking their car’s well being (as well as their own) every morning trying to get that parking space that is only a 15 minute versus a 30 minute walk to class never even crosses their minds.
They also have immediate and easy access to the fine dining college has to offer in the cafeterias. Unlimited buffet-style dining every meal…it sounds like a college student’s dream, doesn’t it? The Great Wall ain’t got nothin’ on the caf’s multicultural selections. Don’t you worry…on-campus residents can keep the pounds off by trotting over to the student rec, any time, day or night.
“But dorm life is B-O-R-I-N-G!” you sneer. Au contraire, my naïve friend. Yes, you may have Steve the Snuggler to keep you on your toes, but what about those crazy sword-wielding, angst-ridden lovers that periodically jump through the windows of local dorms to avenge their unrequited love?
And inhabitants of co-ed dorms have countless fond memories of all sorts of fun-loving pranks, ranging from dead ducks slipped through grates to fire alarms going off three, four times a night. And I bet you don’t have any “Lobby Rats” residing in your apartment complex.
Yea, maybe you have your own bedroom.
Yea, maybe you have a pool right outside your door.
Yea, maybe you can have your friends over to party at all hours of the night.
But you won’t have those distinct memories that on-campus living offers to those who brave the disease-ridden community baths, kleptomaniac roommates, and distinct lack of privacy to live their collegiate experience to the fullest.