We got served!
Yes, I am referring to the comical war of words between this publication and the Tiger Weekly.
Current score The REV: 1, TW: 2.
But, I’m about to even it up.
You suck, and my dad could kick your dad’s ass.
So eat that — butt munch!
But seriously, the only way to settle this is a dance off. That’s right, a dance off.
This is a formal challenge to the Tiger Weekly: Your two best dancers against myself and Two Cents’ Tim Basilica.
Oh yeah playa, we both have experience in musical theater.
Tonight, the Union Ballroom, be there or be square … loser.
So, you think we stole your full color format? Whatever.
So, you think we copied your stupid ad modulation thingy? Wrong again.
We don’t care. We real thugs.
We’ll bust a cap just for your Nikes and the few bucks in your back pocket, fool.
Anywho, wars do not end without innocent victims.
I have a confession. I am in love with the Tiger Weekly’s student editor, Rhonda Hollen. But, our love cannot be realized because of this damned feud.
Oh, what’s in a name?
I truly am fortune’s fool!
Rhonda, let us marry in the secret silence of the night. We will run away from this treacherous life, and start a new publication at UL or Tech or something. At least then we can be together, and together without fear of being found together.
Oh, let us not rot in hatred of our ascribed fate.
Wait in the stairwell between Hodges and Hatcher tonight at midnight. A trusted friend will meet you there and carry you to a safe place.
Then we will marry, and spend eternity in each other’s arms.
I love you, Rhonda Hollen, student editor of The Tiger Weekly.
But before we do, I am gonna serve your kinsman in a dance off.
So, bring it on Tybalt! Because I’m a bad-ass break-dancing killa!
But seriously, Tiger Weekly, why can’t I be the center of some inter-publication conflict? I’m controversial, I’m cool. Pick on me TW. I’m ready. L-7 weenie!!!
Ok, I’ve run out of things to say.
You put out your crappy newspaper, and we’ll put out our crappy newspaper.
In the words of War, “Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends?”
But on the down low, TW, I’m a pretty popular columnist, and all I’m saying is anything is negotiable as long as the price is right … (wink, wink).