What’s the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
Of all the questions that you will answer correctly during your four-year odyssey at LSU, there is one that won’t get you a 4.0 GPA.
Spit or swallow?
It lies at the root of all sexual relationships: heterosexual, homosexual or both.
I discussed the art of fellatio with friends in an attempt to answer that age-old question, and the responses were well distributed.
“I figure that swallowing is like taking cough syrup,” an avid swallower told me. “Sure it’s a little painful at first, but eventually the taste will go away, and it’s pure lovin’ from then on.”
However, some don’t see swallowing the same way.
“Once you swallow, he loses all respect for you,” another girl retaliated. “It’s just so barbaric and degrading.”
After hearing the personal opinions of my peers, I decided to take the neutral role and present the pros and cons of spitting and swallowing.
Good news, spring break dieters, semen is a measly 15 calories.
For those who feel the need to receive their daily vitamins, forget about Centrum. The average ejaculate contains calcium, magnesium, potassium, vitamin B-12 and zinc.
It is also full of vitamin E, which just happens to be great for your skin.
What a relief!
Now men everywhere will be taking on that motherly role, “Honey, did you take your vitamins today?”
Some think spitting makes oral sex more complicated. It adds accessories to foreplay — a cup, a towel or his T-shirt.
Laying out the “spit kit” may be convenient when you are expecting to hook-up, but sometimes these situations just “pop” up.
Many girls avoid semen ingestion because they don’t like the taste.
“IT’S DISGUSTING,” a friend complained, “I can barely stomach tequila, and he expects me to swallow that? At least tequila gets me drunk.”
“It’s not really a milkshake,” one guy refuted, “it’s not supposed to be for dessert.”
But, there is a way for guys to make sure their pimp juice tastes sweeter than honey.
The perfect recipe goes something like this: plenty of water, little dairy, no caffeine and no smoking.
Nutritionists say alkaline-based foods such as meats and fish produce a bitter, fish taste.
Acidic foods, such as sweets and fruits, give bodily fluids a pleasant, sugary flavor.
Alcohol especially can make your semen extremely bitter. Chemically processed liquors will cause an extremely acidic taste. So if you’re going to drink alcohol, drink high-quality, naturally fermented beers (Rolling Rock or Kirin) or sake.
Guys, try this diet and maybe she’ll come back for seconds.
But, no matter what your preference is, it is possible for you to contract HIV and other STDs through oral sex.
So, play it safe.
As for being on the receiving end of oral sex, the general consensus was “beggars can’t be choosers.”
Guys are just thankful they have Peter in the tunnel when the volcano erupts — it doesn’t matter what happens to the “lava.”
But of course, they favor swallowing.
Whether you spit or swallow, it’s the thought that counts.