No, not this time.
“I’ve resisted you for four days now, and I don’t need you,” I said to the half pack of Marlboro Light Menthols.
You see, there’s a difference between love and addiction, and you’re an addiction.
Sure there was a time I thought there was a certain love between us. There were even moments when I thought the fire that sparked our romance would never burn out, but it did, over and over again. I kept striking my matches with little knowledge of the time I was taking away from my life.
They told me you would only hurt me.
“Cigarettes will kill you,” they said.
I would always come back with, “So will living too long.”
I thought I was being clever.
I was just being naive.
I will tell you this, if it’s any consolation, you have been the hardest thing to quit.
Sure, I’ve thought about relapsing.
Every time I see someone else enjoying your toxic kiss, I first think to reveal your twisted deception. But then I always think about asking for a drag instead.
I put on an old coat yesterday, and it smelled of you.
So thick and stale, I stood there in my room holding the sleeves of the jacket to my nose breathing in as hard as I could, hoping the scent wouldn’t fade.
We did have some good times didn’t we?
I remember the first time we met.
I was 13, and we were sitting on Danny Piccolo’s roof.
I remember feeling dangerous, and mature — cool.
I liked feeling like that.
I remember the long rides we used to take; just you, me and a Tom Waits CD. I could never quite imitate Tom’s voice until you came along — now I’ve got it down pretty good.
You were always my reason for escaping work for a few minutes.
You were always good, but you were at your absolute best at dinner after a few glasses of Merlot.
The last moments before sleep, and the first breath of the morning were always reserved for you, but now I just chew toothpicks until they’re soft and count the licks of a Tootsie-pop.
You were high maintenance, but I never regretted the money I spent on you.
Although you weren’t exactly healthy for me, I don’t resent you — even if it all leads to heart disease.
After-all, isn’t everyone allowed one vice — guess you were mine.
But like I said before, there is a difference between love and addiction.
Anywho, I hope we can still be friends.