To many guys V-day means D-day to their relationship. Gone are the days of Garfield valentines in lacy shoe-boxes; instead they have been replaced with complicated unmentionables and overpriced flowers.
The ladies of the Revelry are here to make this holiday as lustful as possible from the moment you pick her up until the morning of Feb. 15.
Etiquette
The beginning of a date is the most crucial part. It will make or break the entire evening, and that can be awkward for everyone.
Your appearance should reflect the importance of the occasion. Don’t look like you just rolled out of bed, but leave the top hat for the Mardi Gras balls next weekend.
Personal hygiene is key. Bathing, shaving and “manscaping” can make all the difference. If you smell like dirty feet your date will go down in flames.
Girls like to dress up and boys like girls, so dress accordingly. Collared shirts and slacks always look sexy.
Valentine’s Day is the day for lovers, and if loving is on the menu be nice without being sleazy.
Gifts
Flowers can be tricky. Some girls consider them weeds, while others consider them the holy grail of gifts. Investigating which flowers she likes can ensure that she will be pleased. Fake flowers are about as sexy as a Chia pet. Red roses may seem like a cop out, so be creative with the flora by incorporating different types and colors.
The gift should be something that she would want, but would never buy herself. Great examples of secretly desired gifts can include DVD sets of her favorite shows like Sex and the City, or rare CDs that can only be specially purchased online. Anything in a basket is not acceptable.
Unless you’re R. Kelly or Michael Jackson, never buy your date a stuffed animal. And balloons, especially with crazy legs, are for sick people in the hospital.
For most women Valentine’s day is slang for “let’s eat as much chocolate as I can day.” But not all chocolate is created equal. Godiva and Ghirardelli are specially made by magic Swiss chocolate gods, who also invented the g-spot. Any candy found at pharmacies or located next to the check out counter at Albertson’s are worth negative points.
Jewelry may seem like a great gift idea that any woman would love, but beware of the tackiness that exists. A good rule of thumb is to go with something that resembles her current favorite accessories. Simple styles are good, but expensive styles are better. If you can’t afford it, then don’t fake. Cubic zirconia is a mortal sin.
Unless your girl is a nympho, lingerie sends the wrong message as a Valentine’s gift. No self-respecting girl is ever excited to receive crotch-less panties or a cutout bra.
Dining
The traditional way to show a lady how much you care is by taking her to a classy restaurant. The definition of class does not include chain restaurants, drive-thrus, anywhere Mexican or a bar and grill.
The perfect restaurant can be erotic and set the right mood for your lover.
Good Valentine’s Day restaurants come in two varieties. Fancy restaurants such as The Melting Pot, Mansur’s on the Boulevard or Philippe’s The Place provide a needed air of formality. On the other hand, cozy and intimate restaurants, such as DiGiulio Brothers, The Silver Spoon and Gino’s can help you and your date get even closer, with a more relaxed atmosphere.
Date Ideas
If dinner seems too cliché or if you are willing to go the extra mile, make the date more creative. Good date ideas can include cooking an intimate meal, creating a home theater atmosphere, going out on the town with style or a day trip to New Orleans.
Cooking is risky and requires some expertise. Ramen noodles or any other prepackaged delicacy are not aphrodisiacs. Your cooking should reflect effort and skill. Fried foods accompanied by a cool glass of Miller High Life topped off with a Little Debbie’s Zebra Cake will not make the cut for Valentine’s day.
Experts can attempt to impress a date with sushi, but grilling steaks and vegetables are just as impressive. The drinks should also be elegant, such as a fine wine or complicated mixed drinks — something with more ingredients than rum and Coke. Feeding her chocolate strawberries, whether they be homemade using fondue or from the Godiva gods is a fool-proof method to enhance the sensual tone.
Though the cinema can provide many titillating trysts, it might be more romantic to view a movie in the comforts of your own home. Making a pallet on the floor with lots of pillows and blankets will lead to spooning as you watch the plot lines unfold.
There are good and bad choices of movies to watch on this particular evening. “When Harry Met Sally,” “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and “Amelie” are all fine films without being overtly sappy.
Arnold Schwarzenegger flicks, porn and “American Pie” are great movies to watch on your own, but she will surely know you are toolbag.
Do not rent a chick flick with Mandy Moore or J. Lo just to gain points. Women are not that naïve.
Valentine’s Day does not mean staying in and ignoring the night life of Saturday — try going out. However, this night on the town should drastically differ from your normal Tigerland adventures and keggers.
Bars such as Red Star and Glenn’s offer a less seedy and more upscale evening.
A romantic getaway is as close as an hour’s drive to New Orleans. Just because it is a trip doesn’t mean that an intense itinerary is necessary. Take a casual stroll around the French Quarter all afternoon or take the streetcar while enjoying each other’s company.
Valentine’s Day does not have to be an overwhelming enigma for guys. Above all else it is a day to make your woman feel special. And if you make her feel special, you might be feeling “special” too.