So these “book” things are expensive.
You know, they outta give you a free tube of lube with the purchase, because it would sure help with the whole screwing you in the bum part of the transaction.
It’s paper people, just paper!
It’s paper with words on them.
I’ve paid less for sex!
I mean you don’t pay a damn thing for this paper, and I’ll bet it’s a bit more interesting than “Language: Proof and Logic the 3rd Edition.”
The 3rd edition?
How in the hell did this crap get through the 1st print?
Anywho, text books suck–bottom line.
You wanna know what else sucks?
Gnomes. Gnomes suck too.
I mean I was just walking down the street yesterday and this damn Gnome ran up and kicked me in the shin.
Then he just ran off cackling–what a little Jack Foo Bastard!
And please, big red dunce hats were so last season; get a trucker hat or something.
But it got me thinking … if that damn gnome is such a scrapper, I wonder how he would fair in the ring with someone like Papa Smurf?
A title fight for the Little Strange Men Division Boxing Champion of the World.
David the Gnome vs. Papa Smurf at the MCM Grand in Las Vegas.
Twelve rounds of smurf on gnome combat.
Papa Smurf would kick that gnome’s ass!
Well, maybe I’m selling David a little short (ha ha get it).
I bet it would go nine rounds, but the smurf would win, and then he’d steal his girl–that Lisa is pretty hot.
But you know, Smurfette ain’t no slouch herself–I’d do her.
OOOh, a tag team cage fight: Papa and Smurfette vs. David and his Old Lady Lisa.
Wait, how a bout a chicken fight; David on that fox and Papa Smurf on the back of Azreal.
That would be bitchin’.
Imagine this: The MGM Grand packed to capacity, our warriors ride in on their stags to the fist pumping beats of the Fragile Rock theme song, all the Nick Jr. Kids screaming in the corner of the Gnome, and the rest of the stoners cheering on the smurf, Splinter from TMNT grabs the mic that hangs in peril from the arena rafters and screams, “Are you ready to RUMBLLLLLLLLEEEEE!
The Smurf climbs over the ropes escorted by a sea of white floppy hat things, he pops his knuckles and climbs upon the back of a hungry Azreal.
David, with the look of fantastical determination in his eyes, whispers his last instructions to his trusty fox, Swift.
The bell rings and the blood flows,
Who will win no one knows.
The Smurf with his cat
and his floppy red hat.
The Fox with the Gnome,
a pointy red cone.
They fight and they fight
with all their might.
to crown the King
of the cartoon TV screen.