Thank goodness for DVR. I can’t imagine actually having to watch football to see this year’s Super Bowl commercials — all 47 minutes of them. That’s the amount of time commercials aired post-kick-off in last year’s Super Bowl according to Nielsen ratings data. Because companies paid, on average, $3.8 million each per 30-second spot for this year’s contest, according to CBS MoneyWatch, I expected a handful of ROFL-inducing, skin-bearing, bass-thumping-filled commercials. I also expected to see some embarrassing flops.
The Best
A bully challenges a smaller child to a football game. The ‘loser’ hops in his mom’s Hyundai to round up a team of children that includes bear wrestlers, firefighters, weight lifters and welders. Upon his return, the bully hands the ‘loser’ the ball for the kickoff, but the master team-builder kicks it back at hyper-speed to send the bully flying off the screen. Justice never felt so good. And every mom should want a Hyundai.
4. Samsung — The Next Big Thing
Bob Odenkirk plays arguably the most likeable scumbag in TV history on AMC’s Breaking Bad (Saul Goodman). In a witticism-filled exchange between he and Seth Rogen/Paul Rudd, Samsung came off as super cool. And it couldn’t be better timing, since Apple’s stock has plummeted in recent weeks.
A casual cookie versus cream debate between two men turns violent and morphs into an all-out office brawl. The humor-catch: whisper yelling. Desks crash and glass shatters at a normal volume, but even a police officer talking into a loudspeaker comes out as a whisper. It’s like Subway’s baby-voice commercials, but better.
Man finds goat that loves Doritos. Man loses mind because goat won’t stop crunching away on cheesy chips. Man hides Doritos stash from goat. Goat screams like a human twice. Goat finds man cowering in bedroom drowning his sorrows in Doritos. Goat slams door shut and makes ‘baaa’ sound, clearly ready to kick some butt, like this commercial did.
Best of the Best: Budweiser — The Clydesdales: Brotherhood
Goosebumps covered my arms following this heart-felt story about a man and his horse. What’s cuter than a Clydesdale pony? Or more emotional than ‘Landslide’ by Fleetwood Mac? When the horse came gallantly running down the street back to its caretaker, I just about shed a tear for beer.
The Worst
A man wakes up Hangover-style in fuzzy cheetah-print handcuffs. Before he can escape though, he attempts to remove his shirt from his sleeping one-night-stand’s curled-up body. Call me an idiot, but I had to look Gildan up. They sell t-shirts.
Firstly, this commercial had nothing to do with its product. Secondly, it presented an astronaut as sexier than a brawny lifeguard who knocks out sharks less than a year after NASA cancelled its space program.
3. Audi — Prom
Promotes infidelity, extreme risk-taking and prom clichés. Also, brave, confident teenagers do not go to prom alone. Overall too unrealistic — kind of like owning an Audi for most people.
2. Calvin Klein — Calvin Klein Concept
A well-oiled, angry looking man ripped like a Greek statue rotates his arms and hips to dub step beats for 30 seconds. He’s advertising undies. I don’t want them. Women may have enjoyed his body, but they won’t buy the underwear.
Worst of the Worst: GoDaddy.com — Perfect Match
Most GoDaddy commercials make me think the website is a Danica Patrick porn site (it’s not). In one of its two spots during the Super Bowl, the web domain site achieved the unachievable by portraying Israeli supermodel Bar Refaeli as briefly unattractive. The slurpy sound effects even disgusted the stars from Two Girls, One Cup.
