Ill-fitting high heels and suit jackets coupled with a billion iPhone photo opportunities, cheerful white Greek faces and one Twitter hashtag used more for public relations than actual questions. Welcome to the 2014 Student Government debate — if it can even be called a debate.
Both campaigns boasted similar answers to softball questions, and the most-used phrase all night was “I agree.”
As the figureheads of our University’s student population, the SG president and vice president matter. For the past few years, ours have done a great job conforming to a conservative ideal of the perfect University pair by following a formula — male president, female vice president and a determined focus on nitpicking about issues that will make little to no difference in students’ lives.
Both tickets continued this tradition Monday night, hyping their supposed unique passion for campus with redundant phrasing and incorrect verbiage.
Their lack of seasoned speech- writers showed, and it was painful.
I suppose I understand being on live television is difficult. But this is their supposed career path. A little practice is in order.
Although, arguably, being able to talk one’s way around a question without ever answering it is the sign of a true politician.
Speaking of typical political moves, presidential candidate Clay Tufts of The Next Step ticket was the only one to cash in on mentioning freedom and soldiers. Good move.
Experience LSU’s vice presidential candidate Ashleigh Pichon fought back, staying close to her practiced central point throughout and working some variation of “college lasts four years, but the experience is forever,” into quite a few answers.
The question with the most potential came during a lightning round, which featured the leaders attempting to pare down their strongest qualities. I sat on the edge of my seat, eager to hear some groundbreaking revelation about character.
The answers? Passion, ability to relate, perseverance and communication.
Interchange any of the four candidates, and you’d hit the nail on the head. They’re all like-minded, goal-oriented go-getters.
What a surprise. My real question after all of this is why are the apparent highest-profile possessors of these qualities relatively well-off white students? I’m sure many of us have those four qualities, but we’re not on live television. We’re at home listening to them talk about how well-off we are to have them as potential representatives.
While both tickets harped on their accurate representation of the student body, I sure don’t want the person speaking for me to be as obsessed with getting to Washington, D.C. as Experience LSU’s presidential candidate Christian Coleman is. He’s under the impression that legislators wait with bated breath to hear from University students, but I’m pretty sure no one in D.C. cares about public higher education unless their children directly benefit.
Both sides of the campaign are adamant about raising awareness. However, their only real solution is bringing these concerns to D.C. So I guess we’ll have to deal with it, no matter who ends up in office.
They sounded like the Things Sorority Girls Say video on a loop. I wish that was a joke.
The only positive aspect of this election season is a relative lack of drama, so far. One ticket dropped out and The Next Step decided not to make an official announcement, instead relying on social media and Monday’s debate to make an effect.
And affect they did. Between Tufts’ ever-widening eyes and vice presidential candidate Taylor Lambert’s seeming inability to sit up straight, they highlighted one of two differences between tickets — professional appearance.
After a scribbled note from Coleman to Pichon, both proceeded to smile as they answered questions, the corners of their mouths reaching ever skyward as the camera clicked away.
But The Next Step was able to roll with their natural humor, leaving Experience LSU languishing in a doll-perfect corner, smiles intact.
So it boils down to who you’d prefer show off your campus next year — the ones with a sense of humor or the mannequins ready to smile away all our problems in D.C.
And don’t worry, no matter who you vote for, both campaigns think everything on campus — ignoring crumbling buildings, faculty and administrator retention and real issues behind rising tuition — is going great.
Megan Dunbar is a 20-year-old English senior from Greenville, SC.

Gallery • 8 Photos

Lauren Duhon

Student Government vice presidential candidate Ashleigh Pichon from the Experience LSU ticket answer questions Monday, March 17, 2014 during the 2014 Student Government Debate held in the Holliday Forum.